Too Much Talk

Introduction

Our words have an impact — negatively and positively. When we speak of the idea of community, words play a significant role. Not necessarily words said about community but words said in community. What we say to each other and how we say those words can bind people closer together or they can drive people apart. Community is strengthened when our words build up and community is diminished when our words tear apart. We are going to look at our words tonight. I am going to encourage you to speak about things which are important and to avoid speaking words which tear down.

Important Matters

What is most common when people get together is to speak of superficial things. We ask how we are doing; how our families are doing; how work is going; and such conversations are typical. But as people who care about each other our conversations must go beyond that. Some will say that this building is not conducive to having intimate conversations. I will admit that this building is not designed for intimacy, but I have had many intimate conversations with people in this building. Someone says “yes, but you’re the preacher. People will talk with you.” And that is true. My being a minister allows folks to feel a bit more open perhaps, but I would counter that intimate conversations which do not include me take place in this building.

Someone says what we need are small groups designed to encourage intimate conversations. While I am not opposed to small groups, such an argument is not logical. Small groups may enhance the opportunity for intimate conversation but they do not guarantee it. I have been in small groups which were designed to build community and little or no intimate conversation took place. I have also been in small groups in which there was great intimacy. What is the difference? If community conversation can take place in a big building or in a small group, then what makes that possible? What is the common thread which runs through both possibilities? Willingness of people to be in community.

There has to be a willingness of those who comprise a community to go beyond the superficial. Putting unwilling community participants in a small group or in a large building will do little to illicit intimate community conversation. Some will feel close to others without saying a word and others will only feel close if they are able to speak of private inner things. Here’s the point. Words which can build a community can be spoken anywhere. It is possible to go beyond the superficial in a large building or in a small group if we are willing to do so. There must be that willingness.

Notice what Paul writes in Ephesians 4. “Speak words which build others up according to their needs.” This requires knowing something about someone else and it requires that we let others know something of importance to us. The point is that our language must go beyond the superficial. And our questions must go beyond the superficial. Once “how are you” is asked go deeper. What are your greatest challenges at work? How does your walk with Christ impact others? And when someone tells you something, then go back and ask again later. This builds community. There is a place for speaking of restaurants, movies, football and vacation sites. But surely that which builds up will go beyond that. Community is built when our words are spoken to encourage and build up.

There is nothing to keep you from paying someone an honest compliment. There is nothing to keep you from saying something to someone about what you admire about them. There is nothing to keep you from speaking words which encourage. There is nothing keeping you from asking questions seeking understanding about your brother or sister in the Lord. The only thing which is keeping you from speaking these kind of words is your willingness to speak them. We must use opportunities to speak of things which encourage our spiritual walk with Jesus and which challenge us to greater intimacy.

Words to Avoid

If we are to speak words which build up then we must avoid words which tear down. Paul says in 4:31 that we are get rid of slander — words intended to tear down. Just as a honest compliment can encourage for days on end, so a word spoken harshly or with the intent to tear apart can also last for days even a lifetime. Just as in speaking words which build up, there must be a willingness to refrain from speaking words which tear down. Words which tear down include gossip and slander. Also included are unjust criticisms and just criticisms which are spoken harshly.

I can still remember vividly the woman who criticized a sermon, the message, and the motive behind the sermon. I can also remember the woman who followed intentionally telling me how much she appreciated that sermon, the message, and how we needed to hear that message today. I have thanked God several times for the second woman’s favor. I am not apt to forget either. I don’t know that any of us receive criticism well, but there is a way to do that and a way to avoid harshness.

Harsh words spoken by our parents still ring in our ears. Words of inspiration from teachers, coaches, and parents still grow in our hearts. The power of words cannot be underestimated. If we want community to grow, then we must rid ourselves of words which tear down and harm. Speak words which you would like to have spoken to you. Avoid speaking words that you would not want spoken to you. Common courtesy should be even more prevalent among those who belong to the same spiritual family especially if we want community to grow and deepen.

Our words have an impact. What kind of impact will you make with your words?

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