The Tongue

Introduction

Every person who can understand what I am saying has been hurt by the spoken word. Every person who can understand what I am saying has hurt someone by the spoken word. If there is one thing that is true, it is that words spoken to us when we are vulnerable emotionally are not quickly forgotten. In fact, some things said to us as children never leave us. We do not easily forget the times that our parents called us “stupid” or when they continuously asked the question “what is wrong with you.” Such comments are not only remembered they affect the way we think about ourselves. So powerful are spoken words that we can still remember the sting of them decades later. But words are also powerful in the positive sense. Some of us can still remember the time a teacher told us that we had immeasurable potential and we believed them. My guess is that you can remember even decades later a compliment received from someone whose opinion you valued. Words are powerful.

The Proverbs recognizes the power of words. Proverbs 18:21 says “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Words can produce thankfulness and trauma; they can produce feelings of soaring and sadness; they can create an atmosphere of joy and of judgment. The power of words for good or for ill cannot be underestimated. Today we will look again at Proverbs and discover how to be wise with our words. What the wise men of old commend for our consideration is the question that we will look at this morning. James reminds us in 3:10 that both blessings and curses come from our lips. This is not what God wants. So today we are going to emphasize how to bring blessing with our tongues rather than curses.

Guarding the Tongue

There are three ways for us to guard our tongues according to Proverbs. First, we need to be people who use few words. Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” Some cannot tolerate silence. Some find it difficult to say nothing. Some like to hear their own voice. When we are constantly talking we will sooner or later say something which we cannot take back but would like to. This is not to suggest that the wise person says very little, but that we choose our words very carefully.

Second, to guard our tongue we must think before we speak. Proverbs 12:18 says, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” This recklessness imposes the idea of being undisciplined in our speech. When we say the first thing that pops into our head, we are bound to say the wrong thing. Too often quickly spoken words or words spoken recklessly make a difficult situation worse. Reckless words wound the recipient rather than bringing healing to life. Many times in our family, we find it difficult to think before we speak. In the heat of an argument, we will respond with words which tear down and reduce our spouse or child to an insult. What do you think this does? What does it do to you emotionally when someone speaks without thinking first? Sometimes we can laugh and realize there was no intent to hurt, but many times the difficult situation resulted in us saying words which not only hurt but cannot be taken back.

Third, guarding the tongue means listening before we speak. Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.” We are better talkers than we are listeners. We have to learn how to listen before we speak. We so often are so interested in making sure that our point of view or opinion is heard that we don’t listen to the other person’s words. Real listening means that we hear not only a person’s words but the underlying intent of those words. It is hard to listen when we are speaking. As the old saying goes, “God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason—so that we would spend twice as much time listening as speaking.”

Wise Words

Just as there are proverbs reminding us to guard our tongues so there are proverbs which remind us to use our tongues wisely. First, wise words are spoken at just the right time. In Proverbs 25:11, we read, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” This carries the idea of beautiful words carefully chosen to convey just the right thought at the right time. These words create a beautiful setting so they can be accepted. Notice the contrast with Proverbs 25:20: “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.” There are times to speak but we must speak with caution and with timing. Wise words are brief and to the point with proper restraint and balance. We express ourselves with great care and we express ourselves at appropriate times so that what we have to say can be accepted. Proverbs 15:23 expresses this idea well: “A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!” When we are wise in the use of our words then we speak balanced words at appropriate times.

Second, wise words are pleasant words. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones,” or in Proverbs 15:4, “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” Both of these express the idea of using words which build up, heal, and restore rather than words which cut down and crush. How much better would our world be if we took these proverbs to heart. How much better our homes would be if we spoke pleasant words rather than harsh ones. We don’t endear ourselves to others through the use of harsh words.

Third, wise words are complimentary words. Proverbs 27:2 says, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.” We don’t need to trumpet our own accomplishments, but it is good when another does. The proverbs also speak against flattery which is a heaping of compliments. Such becomes useless and unfulfilling (Proverbs 29:5). But the point is that complimentary words are important. We can live a week on a good compliment. Don’t you just have an extra spring in your step when you receive a genuine compliment? Why do we find it so much easier to criticize rather than compliment? There is no shortcut for this instruction. We must choose to be complimentary rather than critical and that happens when we listen to what we say. Have you known the person who seems to always find the worst in a situation and the one who is able to see the best in a situation? Which person do you prefer to be around? Allow your words to be complimentary.

Finally, wise words correct. Proverbs 28:23 says, “He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.” Implied in this proverb is the reality that no one takes correction very easily. None of us are apt to thank a person profusely for correction. But in the end the wise person listens to the correction and is better for it. And in a proverb which highlights the importance of correction comes these words from Proverbs 27:5: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” We see this proverb so often in relationships. We can see the fault of another—a fault which goes beyond preference and idiosyncrasy; a fault which is impeding a person’s Christian walk and example. In such a case we hide our love instead of giving an open rebuke. There is a time for our words to correct, not harshly—the proverbs never give permission to vomit verbally all over someone in the name of trying to help them. Instead we tell the truth with love and compassion.

When we use our words wisely they are powerful. Wise words are spoken appropriately and at appropriate times. Wise words are pleasant. Wise words are complimentary. And wise words correct. Our words can be either a blessing or a cursing. God would want us to use our words to bless not to curse.

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