The New Hope in Marriage

Introduction

Respect is lacking in many aspects of life. The language of critics is no longer respectful. To disagree gives license to be demeaning with words. Many times demonstrating respect toward others is viewed as weak. Unfortunately, our culture is endorsing the idea that any disagreement is disrespectful. So perhaps today’s lesson is needed to remind us that as foreigners and strangers in this world, we engage a different set of values. As believers we honor God as we honor others. We treat others with respect even if we are disrespected. As Peter writes in 2:17—show proper respect to everyone. That sounds inclusive. To disrespect another is to disrespect God. Our text this morning continues the theme of respect. Peter addresses the home and particularly the way spouses are to treat each other. Let’s learn respectfully.

The Text

We often read Peter in light of Ephesians 5 and assume that both Peter and Paul would be writing with the same intent and purpose. But this is an assumption which is not true. In Ephesians 5, Paul writes about the husband and wife relationship with an eye toward the relationship of Christ and the church. In Paul’s writing, the husband wife relationship is to reflect the relationship of Christ and the church. But Peter writes from a different perspective. We need to notice the difference with Peter’s writing.

First, the context begins in 2:11-12. Peter’s readers are to live as foreigners and strangers in this world. Their godliness is to quiet the pagans who are stirring up trouble against them. This introduction is fleshed out in the following verses as Peter is addresses how this godliness is to be reflected in this world. Peter utilizes the same word throughout this section so that his readers can know that he isn’t just stacking different aspects of living together. In 2:13, the word “submit” serves as the main verb for 13-16. Verse 17 highlights the practical outcome of this submission with the listing of 4 imperatives.

Just to make sure that no change in subject is detected, Peter begins verse 18 with the same word—submit. This time he is addressing the slaves. But this submission is to be with respect. In verses 18-25, the slaves submit even in the face of suffering. He is addressing the slaves who are in relationship with unbelieving masters. This submission is not based upon being treated well. This submission is based on knowing that you are subject to God. Looking at the suffering of Jesus convinces the slave, that life is to be lived in obedience even when there is suffering.

3:1-7 continues the thought. Two clues convince us that Peter has not changed subjects—how believers are to live among unbelievers. Notice in verse one that the phrase “in the same way” appears. This obviously connects back to how slaves are to act toward their masters. 2:18 says that slaves are to submit with respect so wives in the same way are to submit to their husband. This is the second clue. The word “submit” is used again to demonstrate that Peter has not changed directions.

Wives are to submit to their husbands who are unbelievers. The point of this submission is to win their husband over to the Lord. Peter’s point fits the first century culture very well. It was inevitable that the gospel would appeal to slaves and women. The gospel promised freedom which both slaves and women often lacked in life. It was expected that a man’s household would worship the same gods. When a wife or slave went against the man, it was a sign that the man did not have control over his household. Such discord affected the husband’s place in social, economic, and religious circles. Was it no wonder that Peter needed to address how these were to respond in their household? Slaves and wives were told to submit.

This submission was not based on how well they were treated. In fact, quite the contrary. Mistreatment was to be met with further submission and a commitment to treating the master or husband with respect. The wives are told to make sure that it is the inner beauty is highlighted rather than the outer beauty. The point? Live such good lives that you quiet the unbeliever who may object to this new found direction. In other words, the wives are being told to live in submission to their husband so that there will be no disharmony in the home.

Verse 7 is only one verse but within the historical context we realize that husbands wielded a lot of control and power. The phrase “in the same way” again demonstrates that the subject has not changed. Husbands are to treat their wives with respect. Wives are weaker. Peter is again addressing the believer, who in this case is the husband, and his unbelieving wife. The wording “and as heirs” could just as easily be understood to mean “as even heirs.” Husbands had the power but they were not to abuse that power in the home. To do so would be to hinder his own spiritual relationship with God.

Application

The principles from this entire text (2:11-3:7) are not difficult to understand. They are difficult to implement. First, we are to have a submissive spirit. While the bulk of the writing is toward groups (slaves and wives) who would not have had much power, the emphasis is on voluntarily yielding one’s will to another. We men may think that we are left out of such a discussion but verse 7 is clear that unless we develop the same attitude our relationship with God will be hindered.

Our world encourages us to take the position that no one be allowed to walk over us. That we not be the doormat for anyone. But Peter uses the example of Jesus to convince us otherwise. He was insulted but did not retaliate. He was abused but made no threats. He took our sin so that we could be righteous.

Looking at Jesus’ example should help us to develop a submissive spirit. Check your reaction to this point. Do you find yourself getting defensive? Do you find yourself a little angry? Check your motives? Don’t you want to live a life as a believer that it quiets the unbeliever? We cannot demand our way and be submissive at the same time. Jesus showed us that.

The question may arise is a wife to be submissive in the face of physical abuse? The answer is no. Peter’s view is toward the 1st century household in which the husband was the main focus. The wife’s new faith could have social implications. Peter is not endorsing rebellion against an unbelieving husband but is endorsing that a wife’s conduct in the home should reflect Jesus rather than appear to be producing disharmony. In other words, a wife’s faith should result in greater respect not less.

Second, husbands are also to develop an attitude of respect. Learning to treat people with dignity and honor is what Peter has in mind. Peter specifically addresses men that we are to treat our wives with honor. Gender equality did not exist in the 1st century. Peter tells husbands that they are to honor their wives. Failure to do so results in impaired spiritual relationship with God. How do we honor another? We value them. What that looks like for each home may be different. Show me how you treat your wife and I will know what kind of spiritually led person you are.

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