The King's Children Keep Promises

Introduction

The subject matter today is of a sensitive nature. Some parents may not want their young children hearing some of these things. If that be the case, then I caution you as parents. Something has changed in our country over the past two generations. While the reasons are diverse, the results cannot be overlooked. Marriage is and has taken a real hit. Divorce rates have leveled off and are declining. While we are glad to see divorce rates fall, the result is not more marriages. Instead, many couples are opting for living together rather than getting married. These “test drive” marriages have little chance of success but couples are using this method to do two things: first to decide if this person they are living with is marriageable material; second, the method of living together should it not prove beneficial can be dissolved with no legal interference. In other words, there are no divorce papers to file and no fees to be paid.

Barbara Defoe Whitehead and Daniel Popenoe have headed up the National Marriage Project for almost 10 years. This research is supported and funded by grants through Rutgers University in New Jersey. Their findings give us a glimpse into the thinking and practice of Americans. How prominent is living together? Since the 1970s, cohabitation has increased over 1000%. Cohabiting couples represent 10% of all “couples” in America. It is estimated that 50% of women between the ages of 19-34 will have lived with a man without getting married. In a 2001 survey, 43% of 20-29 year olds agreed with the statement “that they would marry someone only after living together first, to determine if they could get along.”

While the practice of divorce is declining, the incidence of living together is accelerating and the number of married couples continues to decline. All of this is the harvest of seed planted many years ago and while there may be debate about that seed, the results are not debated. While we are not here to talk about the sociological ills of America, we are here to talk about some of the implications of cultural practices. Because of this shift in thinking in America, we as believers also face the challenge of shifting in our own thinking. First, as Christians we find ourselves having to remain committed to a perspective that is no longer the majority thinking in our culture. This means that we will find ourselves in the minority and speaking up for what God wants will be met with resistance. Second, it means that as we reach out to the poor, our neighborhood, and our co-workers we are going to find more who have left behind the traditional view of marriage. Thus, our approach must not be one of condemnation nor of acceptance but of understanding and a consistent message of love for the person while calling for change.

As we continue to study from the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus confronted faulty thinking in his own day. While the practice of cohabitation and divorce were not as rampant in his day as they are today, he taught how his followers would have attitudes which revealed the heart of God. Today we are going to see what Jesus had to say about the heart in relationship to others.

Promises

I have included three sections into one sermon for the reason that I see them overlapping in purpose and teaching. Whether we speak about relationship with the opposite sex, marriage and divorce, or keeping promises, all three carry a similar idea and purpose — the King’s Children keep our vows and covenants—not just externally but internally.

In the first section, Jesus restates the law and its external interpretation. But Jesus came to reveal the full intent of the law. The law said “do not commit adultery” and the focus was on avoiding the physical act. But Jesus said the law included not just the external prohibition but that there would be a change of heart in regards to another. The word “lust” carries the idea of looking with a conscious, deliberate stare which awakens desire. Jesus speaks of men with lusting hearts toward women. God made men with more than ample sexual desires. But these must be curbed by a heart that is set on honoring others rather than treating them as objects for self-gratification.

Let’s be blunt. Pornography is rampant in our culture. With the Internet, any image is possible for men to look at. These images entice and lure. They also bring lead to tolerance which means that more is needed in order to get the same response. But this is not a male problem. 1 out of every three people who go to pornographic sites are women. Women invade sexual chat rooms at a greater percentage than men because they are looking for relationships.

Lust for men and women is to make another person your personal object for sexual gratification. A heart divided cannot stand. Jesus calls for purity of heart as well as purity of action. Jesus’ exaggerations are to be understood even in our own time. If the computer is leading to sin, get rid of it.

In the second section, Jesus address marriage and divorce. At the outset we must understand this standard as it pertains to the time of Christ first before we jump to any conclusions. In Jesus’ day, divorce was based on Deuteronomy 24:1-4. If the man became displeased with his wife, then he gave her certificate of divorce which released him and her to marry others. It is the certificate of divorce and the attitude behind it which Jesus takes to task in this passage. God’s intent from the beginning was one man for one woman for life. Dissolving the marriage relationship was never what was intended. Jesus is not setting a standard for divorce, i.e., adultery leads to permissible divorce. Rather, Jesus is saying that the Pharisees interpretation of Deuteronomy 24 and their view of marriage was skewed. According to Leviticus 20:10 and Deuteronomy 22:22, adultery resulted in death of the adulterous spouse. Thus, an exception clause does not make sense. No divorce would be necessary in such cases.

The Pharisees were not emphasizing the importance of marriage. Instead they were looking for ways to make divorce easier. I cannot tell you the number of calls I have received from people who ask basically the same question: “If I divorce can I remarry?” That is a Pharisaical question. Tell me how I can get out of my marriage and still honor God.

Jesus is saying you misunderstand the law. God’s intent from the beginning was for a marriage to remain intact. Every family has been touched by divorce. Let me state completely what needs to be stated. God is never for divorce. God wants marriages to stay together. To make divorce easier is to miss the intent of God.

Having said that the whole subject of divorce and remarriage has become a Pharisaical opinion swap. We want to know what God wants in every situation and in every possible circumstance. God wants marriages to stay together. But we live in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people.

As a believer we are interested in dying to self and following Christ. That affects our marriages as well. Marriage isn’t about how the other person can serve me but how I can serve my spouse. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin. Second and successive marriages do not keep one from the kingdom nor from serving God with gifts. Unless I am misunderstood, God can and does forgive all sin. There is no sin which God cannot handle.

But God’s intent is for people to stay married. This is what Jesus was stating as the standard. Adultery enters when one spouse forces another to marry another. In Jesus’ day, a woman had no recourse but prostitution, begging, or marriage to support herself. Most chose to remarry. The husband who has become so casual about marriage has caused his wife to commit adultery. That was never God’s intention.

The King’s children do not look for ways out of marriage. Our hearts are set on fulfilling our vows no matter what.

In the third section, Jesus addresses taking an oath and keeping it. The Pharisees believed in taking oaths, but there were levels of oath taking and keeping. Depending upon the object of one’s promise, determined the level of intensity of the oath keeping. We have very similar custom. We will swear to God, or on my mother’s grave or something other object which we consider holy to support the level of our oath. Jesus’ fuller explanation is based on Deuteronomy 23:21-23. The ideas is really very simple—do what you will say you will do and don’t promise something if you do not intend to follow through. In other words, be a person of integrity. An honest heart doesn’t need to swear; a person of integrity is seen for who they are.

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