Submission and Love

Introduction

10 times prior to our text Paul has mentioned the Holy Spirit. Seven are here:

In 1:13, he told us that we have been sealed with the Spirit who guarantees that we belong to God

In 2:18, he reminds us that through Jesus we have access to the Spirit.

In 2:22, that God lives in us via his Spirit.

3:16, the Spirit gives us power to live more faithfully for Jesus.

4:3, the Spirit is the one who brings unity

4:30, it is possible to grieve the Spirit when we choose to live against God’s will

Then in 5:18, Paul writes that being filled with the Spirit results in living a particular kind of life. Part of that he has already specified but now within the context of the family of God he is going to show us what a Spirit filled life looks like.

Let’s set the historical background for our text this morning. Church buildings did not exist in the 1st century. Believers met together in houses. These houses usually accommodated at most 30-40 people. They often ate together and in the context of that meal celebrated the death and resurrection of Jesus. Paul’s instructions about the household makes sense if we understand that worship and household life go together. Look at 5:18. Paul says that we are not to get drunk but instead be filled with the Spirit of God and he gives four distinct ways that being filled with the Spirit exists.

All four are seen in the context of the house church. We can see this by the use of the phrase “one another” in verse 19. Being filled with the Spirit affects the interaction believers have with each other. They speak to each other in hymns. Speaking is just that. Many of their “songs” weren’t tunes as much as poems read to one another. They sing and make music in their hearts. They give thanks. The house church setting also brings to mind that inside that house is a household — husband, wife, children, servants. And so the fourth way of being filled with the Spirit is expressed.

Submitting to one another out of fear or reverence for Christ. Imagine the scene. A group of 30-40 believers in a house. The house is a household as well as a place where believers gather for worship. Paul sees this as a wonderful opportunity to remind his readers that living for Christ is distinctive in day to day living; it is distinctive in how believers respond inside a household meeting for worship; and it is distinctive in how a household operates. Mutual submission is a sign of being filled with the Spirit. It is also a sign of how a believers’ household functions. While this text is rightly used to discuss husbands and wives, there is a great focus on Christ and the church. An earthly intimate relationship of husband and wife is somehow connected to the spiritual intimate relationship of Christ and the church. Today we will be reminded about that connection.

Marriage

Being filled with the Spirit means that we mutually submit to one another. This submission means to voluntarily yield your will to another. Obviously, if we are all submitting nothing happens. Paul’s point is that serving one another; seeing others through the lens of submission; is what allows the body of Christ to function. But the same thing is true not only in the household of God but in the day to day household of life. Paul quickly moves into instructions for day to day living in a house. And he begins with husbands and wives.

Verse 22 has no verb but borrows the verb from verse 21 — submitting. Wives are to voluntarily yield their will to their husband. Not all men just her husband. This submission finds its basis in the Lord. In other words, wives already submit to God and in the same way this submission follows in submitting to her husband. This is risky. In Paul’s day men held the power to make life and death decisions for the family. This instruction to the wife opens her to be hurt; taken advantage of; demeaned. In verse 23, Paul quickly points out that the husband is head of his family just as Christ is head of the church and is the Savior for the body. So in verse 24, Paul uses the word submit again to make his point. Wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

In our 21st century mindset, this instruction is met with resistance. Paul must not have cared about women at all. He doesn’t understand how women have been hurt because men have trampled on them. Shame on us men for doing that. The problem isn’t with Paul; it is with men who do not understand the nature of being a husband. But this does not alter what Paul writes. A Spirit filled wife will submit to her husband just like she does to God. She will not be perfect in this yielding but she desires this because she recognizes God’s desire for her life.

But Paul turns his attention in verse 25 to husbands. Husbands are to love as Christ loves. This one statement addressed to husbands is followed by a lot of pen and ink about the relationship between Christ and the church. I do not want to sugar coat anything from this point on. This is not for the timid and faint of heart. For men who want to be a husband who has the final say in his house — God calls us to more than that. For the man who wants his man cave and isolate him from his family — God calls us to more than that. For the man who says his home is his castle — needs to start with the word love. Paul says that a Spirit filled husband loves to the point of giving himself for his wife. He loves with an unselfish spirit. He loves through sacrifice.

Verses 26-27 is wedding language. Before a bride and groom got married they took baths. These baths were administered by loving family and friends. Odd for us, but it was a time to make the bride be as beautiful as she could be to be presented to her husband. She was dressed and perfumed in the best that her family could afford. In Ezekiel 16:8-14 that same image is given. God is Israel’s groom and Israel is God’s bride. God bathes Israel, cleanses her, anoints her and clothes her in the finest of clothes. Same image here in terms of Christ and the church. The church is Christ’s bride. She is washed, cleansed, anointed, and clothed in the finest. She is holy and blameless because Christ has made her that way. This is how Paul began this letter in 1:4, God chose us before the beginning of time to be holy and blameless. God chose us as his bride. Christ paid the price for his bride. He sacrificed for his bride so that she would be complete.

Verse 28. This made me stop. In the same way — just as Christ loved the church with his body (death) — a Spirit filled husband will love his wife as he loves himself. But Paul doesn’t stop there. Husbands love their wives because she is himself. It isn’t that we husbands love as we love ourselves. It is we love because our wives are us. Men are you up to the challenge of loving this way? We may think love sacrificially; love by giving my life for my wife; both sentiments found here. The Spirit filled husband loves his wife because it is our own body. Christ is the head. The church is his body. The husband is the head. The wife is his body. So Paul says husbands are to provide the physical and emotional care for his wife.

And then Paul quotes Genesis 2:24. The union of husband and wife in sexual union exalts the oneness of Christ and the church. Or to put it another way. If you want to understand the mysterious and profound unity of Christ and the church it can best be understood in the sexual union that occurs between husband and wife. Paul’s summary statement in verse 33 is given. The Spirit filled husband loves his wife and the Spirit filled wife reveres her husband.

Application

There are numerous applications from this text. More than we have time to adequately cover. Some applications are a bit easier to see than others. Let me give you three. First, the basis for the husband and wife relationship is found in our submission to God. Believing husbands and wives already know what it is to submit to God. This submission is to be carried out in the marriage relationship. Your spouse is God’s gift to you, but your spouse is also the means by which you on a day to day basis demonstrate that you understand submission to God. Each day is about serving your spouse. Every day is remembering that we follow God and we honor him by serving our spouse. God has designated the husband to be the head of the family, just as he designated Christ to the head of the body. But Paul is clear that just as Christ used his power and authority for the benefit of the church so a husband’s power is not self-seeking but is completely about using headship for the wife’s benefit.

Second, Paul’s insertion of Genesis 2:24 helps us to understand something profound. Sexual union between husband and wife has from the beginning been God’s way of understanding the intimacy between Christ and the church. Thus, sexual activity between husband and wife isn’t merely about physical pleasure or having children; it is also carries a spiritual message. Paul spent the early part of chapter 5 demonstrating that sexual immorality is to be avoided. Here at the end of the chapter he endorses sexual activity within marriage as not only fulfilling God’s creative intention but demonstrating the spiritual connection between Christ and the church. Husbands and wives reflect the heart of God in sexual union and they demonstrate the intimacy of Christ and the church through sexual union. This oneness is to be celebrated and allows the couple to recognize the profound mystery of God’s intent as seen through Christ and the church.

Third, a woman needs to know from her husband that nothing on this earth takes her place. A man needs to know from his wife that nothing on this earth is revered more. I do not want to romanticize marriage. Living in the 21st century our culture has a very different idea about marriage and for most of us this different idea can adversely affect marriage. God’s way still works. But a Spirit filled husband wants his wife to know that there is nothing more important to him than her. He wants his wife to know that he wants to protect, nourish, and support his own body. This isn’t about trying to do everything she wants you to do. It is about proving to her every day that you care about her; value her; protect her; and you would marry her all over again. It is making sure that she knows you are thinking about her.

Conversely, our culture tells women that they must not submit. Our culture tells women to ignore God’s ways and live for yourself. Here is what God says. A Spirit filled woman will want to demonstrate to her husband every day that she respects him; reveres him; believes in him; trusts him. This is not about having no opinion or view but it is making sure that your husband knows that you want to let him lead.

To those who are thinking about marriage one day this is a challenge. To those who are no longer married because of the death of a spouse or divorce or because you have chosen to remain single or God has chosen that for you and you are being an obedient servant — this lesson is not intended to hurt you. But all of us want God’s will to be done in the family and in his church. Single or married — we want to submit our lives to God and serve him and we want to serve each other as a demonstration of being filled with the Spirit.

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