Serving in Marriage

Introduction

A. Marriage. There’s little that is funny about it and yet in our culture it is made fun of by many comedians and writers. And why not? Anyone who has been married knows that there are a number of quirks in marriage and anyone who has observed married couples knows something about those quirks. Who hasn’t thought about some couple — I’m not sure how they ever got together? Who hasn’t thought in the midst of marriage the same thing. ILL. Marriage — Divorce; communication. ILL. Marriage — Humor

B. Unfortunately, too many marriages will dissolve. Too many marriages do not reflect the beauty of God’s love. For us as Christians, such should not be the case. Paul in Ephesians is not silent about marriage. Today we are going to see what he has to say about how followers of Jesus are to conduct themselves within the marriage relationship. Familiar scripture must be read more carefully. This text is very familiar and as such we need to make sure that we don’t miss what Paul is saying. Let’s continue with songs of praise.

The Text

A. While most translations separate verse 21 and 22, it seems to me that these verses go together. In the original language verse 22 doesn’t have a verb and must use the verb found in verse 21 to gain its meaning. What is that verb? Submit. What is the point? Followers of Jesus are to be subject to one another because of their relationship with Jesus. Perhaps it is better if we understand that Paul is seeking mutual service among God’s people for Christ’s sake. This is not any different from what he has already said in the foundational section of this letter. In chapters 2 and 3, Jews and Gentiles give up their titles and claims to superiority because all are now one in the body. They are to share together in unity so that God is seen in their attitudes and actions. In this section, Paul is now going to demonstrate what this unity and mutual submission looks like in the marriage relationship.

B. If we understand submission as service or voluntarily yielding one’s will to another, then we can understand this call for submission. Paul uses the relationship of Christ to the church to illustrate how the husband wife relationship is to work. Christ is the head of the church. The husband is the head of the his wife. The church submits to Christ. The wife is to submit to her husband. Christ loves the church as demonstrated in sacrificial service. So the husband is to love his wife in this same way. Some have tried to tie these together in an quid pro quo way. That is, some have tried to say that marriage is a you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours relationship.

C. Such a view cheapens God’s intent for marriage. It is the wife’s responsibility to submit to her husband. It is the husband’s responsibility to love his wife and to serve her. Some have tried to say that it is easy for the wife to submit when the husband is serving and conversely that it is easy for the husband to serve when the wife is submitting. Neither of these reflects the intent of the text. While we might be tempted to say that Christ’s service brings out the submission in us as his disciples, none of us would be willing to say that his service was based on our submission. We cannot have it both ways.

D. Paul is demonstrating what mutual submission looks like in a marriage. The wife yields to her husband even as the husband sacrifices for his wife. God’s intent is that the husband be the spiritual head of the home. No one objects to Christ’s headship. We understand that he is the head of the church. The same is expected of the husband. But the emphasis for the husband as head of his family has nothing to do with telling the family what to do. Paul’s emphasis is on Christ’s sacrificing self so that the church could exist and serving the church so that its purity is unquestioned. The husband’s role is seen in the same way. It is about serving so that the wife is pure, holy, and undefiled. Paul makes his point in verse 31 by quoting from Genesis 2. It is the husband’s responsibility to demonstrate his unconditional and unbridled loyalty to his wife.

So What?

A. The question that usually occurs has something along the lines of what does submission look like and what does service look like? Before I answer those questions, both submission and service have to do with attitudes. The constant struggle for any follower of Jesus is learning to say that it isn’t about me; it’s about God. Selfishness is the our constant foe. Too often the question about how submission and serving looks has more to do with escape routes than it does with learning to deal forcefully with the attitude of selfishness. It is very similar to knowing that God wants us to be honest, but then asking what does honesty look like. The questioner needs to make sure that the intent of the question isn’t to discover where dishonesty is acceptable, e.g. white lies rather than developing the attitude of honesty.

B. Assuming that the question is motivated by a godly curiosity, then what does submission and serving look like. Many women want to know if they are to submit to their husbands when he is less than God intends. There are no hard fast rules for such. Recognize that as God’s child, your relationship with God comes even before your relationship with your husband. But Peter tells us that a woman might convince her ungodly husband through the conduct of her life. No man is fully what God intends (neither is any woman) but as long as submitting does not violate God’s will and intent, then the wife’s responsibility is to learn how to yield to her husband just as she yields to Christ. Submission does not lead to wrong action, but an attitude of respect. Notice in verse 33, wives are told to respect her husband. The word for respect is the same word which is used in verse 21 and translated “reverence.” The word is literally “fear.” Paul is not telling wives to be afraid of their husbands but to understand the attitude which is to be present. It is an attitude which recognizes responsibility and role.

C. In the same way as husbands, we want to know what serving looks like. We, too, must recognize that our relationship with God takes precedence over any other relationship. This attitude of serving does not look for ways to avoid loving and giving but searches for ways to give of self so that the wife can come closer to the person God intends for her to be. As leaders, we serve so that our families move in a direction toward God. To lead our families away from God is to deny the Lordship of Jesus and our role as head of the family.

D. But submission and serving are not that far apart as seen by verse 21. Mutual serving because of what Jesus has done for us is the attitude that God wants us to develop. ILL. Service — Johann Arnold quote. Aren’t you glad that Jesus looked at his life of service as a mission rather than just a task. Aren’t you glad he listened to the one who gave him his mission? Our marriages will be what God intends when we serve listening to the one who calls us to change our attitudes. It isn’t about us; it’s about God. Invitation.

Follow Jesus

If you’d like to respond to this message or learn more about following Jesus, please reach out.