Respect for Marriage

Introduction

The book, “A Promise Kept,” is the story of Robertson McQuilkin, a former missionary and seminary president who gave up his post because his wife Muriel had Alzheimer’s. He dedicated himself full-time for as long as the Lord deemed necessary to take care of his wife. He wrote of traveling with her: Once our flight was delayed in Atlanta and we had to wait a couple of hours. Now that’s a challenge. Every few minutes we’d take a fast-paced walk down the terminal in earnest search of what? Muriel had always been a speed walker. I had to jog to keep up with her. An attractive woman executive type sat across from us, working diligently on her computer. Once when we returned from an excursion she said something without looking up from her papers. Since no one else was nearby I assumed she had spoken to me, or at least mumbled in protest for our constant activity. “Pardon?” I asked. “Oh,” she said, “I was just asking myself, Will I ever find a man to love me like that?” McQuilkin turned to the woman and said, “Oh yes, you can find a man like that. You can find a man like that, because I’ve found a man like that. The only reason I love my wife the way you see me loving her is because the man Jesus first loved me. The only resources I have to draw upon to love my wife the way I do are the resources he gives me. Mirrored in my relationship here with my wife you can see the faithful love of God for me.”

We romanticize marriage, but the real proof of what marriage means is in keeping the promises made when life is filled with challenges. Our current generation emphasizes the importance of finding happiness in marriage. There is an emphasis on finding one’s “soul mate” rather than an emphasis on serving and loving so as to seek what is best for another.

But we are not the first generation to see marriage differently. Malachi writes about how the view of God’s people about marriage was changing. Malachi is written to those who have returned from exile and their passion for God has waned. This lack of passion is revealing itself in some specific ways. Last week we noticed that the lack of passion was seen in their worship. They were bored with God and just went through the motions of worship. They made the holy common. They acted as if coming into God’s presence was no big deal. But not only is there a lack of passion in meeting with God, there is a lack of passion in marriage. No longer was marriage seen as a covenant. Marriage was expendable as they tried to fulfill their own wishes. Today as we study part of the second chapter of Malachi we want to be strengthened in our marriages and in our commitment to being faithful to God in our marriage.

Context

This is one of the more difficult sections in the Old Testament. There are parts that are easily translated and other places that are debated. Translations will differ. The NIV from 1984 translates this section very differently from the current NIV translation. Not being a Hebrew scholar means that I have to read to get thoughts and reasons for translations. I do not want this to be too complicated but I do understand that depending on the translation you have in your hands, some of the wording may be very different. So what is happening one hundred years after the exile?

In our text, Malachi is concerned with the lack of commitment to marriage and to God. Verse 10 is the key. The people are breaking a covenant with one another. The idea of a covenant is similar to a contract but it is much more profound than that. It is an agreement which binds two people beyond circumstances and feelings. It binds people at all costs. Covenants are kept no matter what. It is honored at all costs.

Israel was breaking faith with each other. God despised their breaking of the covenant. According to verse 14 the covenant being broken was the marriage covenant. Men were divorcing their wives and marrying foreign women. These marriages meant that the men were turning their backs on God and desecrating God’s temple. These men worshiped foreign gods along with their new wives and then still came to the temple. Such a practice desecrated God’s intent. Their hearts were not devoted to God.

Their allegiance was split. A covenant had been made between Israel and God and these men were breaking that covenant by bringing in foreign gods. And they were bringing in foreign gods because they were breaking the marriage covenant. This is what leads to God’s explosive statement, “I hate divorce.” God hates divorce because it breaks a covenant. It goes against his intended will and the promise made by the participants to remain together. And, in this case, God hates divorce because it leads away from him. This breaking of the covenant was a sign of faithlessness. God expected the covenant to be kept.

Lessons

I am very much aware that the subject of divorce is a touchy one. I am also aware that many families in this audience have experienced divorce either personally or within your extended family. I know that the sense of loss, pain, and grief are very real. And I know that some of you may struggle with how God views your current state in life. For some guilt is an ever present enemy that leaves you doubting yourself and your relationship with God. The last thing I want to do today is deepen that guilt. But I want to be fair and honest with the text. And I believe that those who have experienced divorce do not want your sons and daughters to experience it. I find three lessons for us in this text.

First, there isn’t any greener grass. Part of the problem in Israel may have been looking for greener pastures. Notice the text in verse 14 that the covenant is broken with the wife of the man’s youth. Perhaps the man wanted a new wife in order to fit in with the surrounding peoples. Perhaps the man wanted a new wife because the wife of his youth no longer looked appealing. We aren’t told except that the man puts away his wife from his youth.

Some believe that by changing partners they will put an end to their problems. Changing partners means we change problems. Every survey I have ever seen quotes people saying that they wished they had tried harder to make things work out in their marriage. Some are too stubborn to work out problems; some are too prideful; some don’t know where to start. But the answer is not looking for answers in another person.

Marrying someone who has similar values especially when it comes to God and faith helps. What God railed against was that his people were being led away from him in part because they were bringing foreign gods into their families. Marrying someone who shares a similar faith will go a long way to bringing stability to your relationship.

Second, marriage is a covenant. Based upon the oneness of God, our marriage simulates the oneness of God and the covenant he has with us. According to verse 14, God is the witness to our marriage. It is God who testifies to the union of two people. Like God we are to be people who keep promises. God’s intention is that those who engage in marriage are to understand that a binding covenant is being made which should be kept. There is no doubt that every marriage will have difficulties at times. But we do not make a covenant lightly nor do we break it lightly. But we are to treat our marriages in much the same way as God treats the covenant that he makes with his people. We make promises and such promises are not easily broken.

Third, divorce does not mean that one’s spiritual life is over. Malachi leaves no doubt about God’s desire to see marriages maintained. But God is calling Israel to return to him and his ways in terms of marriage. The people want to know why God is not blessing them when they are offering sacrifices. The reason is very simple—their hearts are not near to God. This is why God hates divorce. The real tragedy of divorce is when people give up on God when he hasn’t given up on them.

God hates divorce when that which was holy has been put away for that which is unholy. This text is addressed to men. The men cheapened marriage. They exchanged the important for the unimportant. Their minds were not set on spiritual things. As a result, people were being led away from God.

Men, we have a responsibility to bring our wife and children closer to the Lord. Our job is to look out across the horizon and see the future for what it can be and what it will be. We are to plot the course for our family and lead them closer to God. Relationship with God is what matters. We must be spiritual thinkers. We must not allow the culture to dictate how we lead. Our families must see our passion for God in our lives. We cannot be casual about families.

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