Raising Godly Children

Introduction

I have helped raise two children. I look back and think there are things that I could have done differently. There are things that I know I did well. I am not here to promise guarantees nor to heap guilt on us. We all have our story to tell and our fear is that we will be judged for our ineffectiveness in parenting. My son told me during his high school years that he wasn’t sure he believed in God anymore. That was a crushing blow to me personally as a father. I had invested so much time and energy into him trying to help him develop his faith. While he went to a faith based university, I am not sure it was the university that helped him in his faith journey as much as it was that God surrounded him with other young men who helped guide him. Our daughter struggled in her faith too. She claimed to believe and then made choices that clearly weren’t in line with faith. It has been in the last few years that she found her faith and is deeply involved in sharing that faith with others.

The point is not to stand here and tell you what a great parent I was and how my children found their own faith and that it was a seamless process. Frustration, tears, anger were constant companions during the college and young adult years. Changes that occurred were slow at times and painfully inadequate from my perspective. But both have discovered a faith that makes sense to them. And I have discovered that our relationship of mutual respect has grown and deepened. Both are quick to say we were not perfect parents but then they are also quick to say that their choices were their own. That we provided a place of love, safety, and trust for them to spread their wings. So I am not here as an expert. I am not here to heap guilt on you or to shame you. If you hear something that makes you cringe, please know there is no intent on my part to do that. We need to understand that many of the principles we will uncover are principles that apply to children when they are at home as well as when they establish their own homes. I’m not sure we ever stop parenting although it takes on a different veneer over time.

Historical Context

Let’s turn to Isaiah 1. Isaiah 1:1 tells us that this writing covers a lengthy period of time in Jerusalem. Four kings are mentioned: Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, about an 80 year time span. Uzziah becomes king at an opportune time. Assyria is the world power. However, for almost 60 years Assyria was weak. While Assyria had threats from other nations, they did not have the power to expand. During this time both Israel and Judah enjoyed a respite from the control of Assyria. During this time the prophets Amos and Hosea are speaking to Jeroboam in the northern kingdom of Israel. Isaiah is speaking in Jerusalem. But Assyria eventually becomes strong again. When Ahaz, Uzziah’s grandson, becomes king he has a pro-Assyrian foreign policy. He did this because Israel and Syria formed an alliance and went to war against Jerusalem. Ahaz seeks Assyrian help to avoid being captured. To confirm his allegiance to Assyria, Ahaz worships Assyrian gods and has Assyrian idols constructed in the land. Furthermore, he sacrifices ones of his sons to the god Molech. All in an attempt to hold onto power in Jerusalem.

Assyria eventually destroys Israel and the northern kingdom. Jerusalem remains intact for a time. But Jerusalem will fall about 150 years later to Babylon. What we read in Isaiah is the prophet’s attempt to get four kings to remain faithful to God and by doing so to encourage the people to follow God as well. There will be times when the kings will listen and times when they fail to listen. Isaiah is the voice of God for almost 80 years in Jerusalem. Why all this history? Because God had a plan then and he has a plan now. God spoke about his plans through Isaiah. God has spoken about his plan through his son. The people didn’t listen and it cost them their freedom. We fail to listen and it costs us real freedom. The people listened and they experienced closeness with God. We listen and we are close to God. Times change. The message is the same.

God as Parent

In this text, God is the parent. He has called Israel to follow. When we go back to Exodus 24, there at the base of Mt. Sinai, the people agree. The people agree to follow God. To listen to his voice. To have no other gods. To not allow any rivals to come between them and God. There was a time when Israel heard God’s voice. They heard it with such clarity that it made them fall apart. The very voice of God weakened their knees and destroyed any pretense. The voice of God shook the people to their core and his voice was so dramatically clear that they had no desire to follow anything else.

But things happened. New generations came along. New ways of thinking entered in. The people began to hear other voices. The clarity of God’s voice was only a memory and then the other voices because they were present and inviting and powerful began to resonate with them. Those other voices told them that there were better ways. Ways for them to find greater freedom. And the people listened and their commitment to God began to be shared. They still sacrificed. They still prayed. They still went to tent meetings, but their hearts were being shared with the other voices. As their hearts began to be open to other possibilities they tried new ways of doing things. And slowly but progressively the other voices carved out greater places in their heart and God got relegated to the panic part. Call on him when in trouble. Call on him when afraid. Call on him when things aren’t right. And God didn’t answer quickly enough or sufficiently enough and the voices won. They still went to sacrifice, but now they were takers not givers.

Let me ask you something? Who is the best parent this world has ever known if not God? Perfect in all his ways. Perfect in his love. Perfect in his discipline. Perfect in his care. Perfect in his thinking and actions. But even with a perfect parent, Israel didn’t listen.

When Children Don’t Listen

If the perfect parent has imperfect children, is it possible for you too? There are some in this audience who see that their children do not listen to God’s voice. You blame yourself. You didn’t listen well either at times. Welcome to the human condition! But your intent was to listen. You wanted your children to listen. You exposed them to opportunities to listen. You lived imperfectly trying to listen. You prayed for them to hear God’s voice. Maybe at one time they did, but now they don’t. Do you think God was a bad parent to Israel? Do you think God mistreated Israel? Do you think God blames himself for Israel listening to other voices? Neither should you.

I have known people who raised faith based children. These parents worked hard to provide what their child needed to be exposed to real faith. I have known people who exposed their children to real faith and their children walked away. We tend to think in terms of cause and effect. If I do A, then B will occur. But it doesn’t always work that way. We blame parents for poor parenting and we blame children for not listening. If you want to take credit for parenting well and for the way things turned out, then you must also take credit for your children’s failures. Responsibility requires action but action does not guarantee outcome. A team wins a championship and they talk about hard work as if the other team didn’t work as hard. Maybe part of the issue is the way we see winning and losing.

Grace and Redemption

Grace. Turn to verse 18-20. God through Isaiah gives a warning and grace. This is the heart of God toward his children. Damage done is hard to forget. Rift in relationship is hard to repair. Sin brings out the worst and separates. Here is God’s remedy—Grace. It is unconditional in the sense that it is offered without justification. What is deserved is the sword. But God in his grace and mercy shares his heart. Come back. The depth of your sin is no match for my forgiveness. Show your new heart. Show that you are willing to listen and obey. Show that you hear my voice and return to me. I will forgive. This is not conditional. The forgiveness is waiting for those who will turn to it and by turning to it, behaviors and thinking will change.

What We Know Works

We know what doesn’t work with raising children better than we know what does. Because for all the research and all the desire, what we cannot do is guarantee good outcomes. Here is what we know will increase the likelihood of children receiving the values you want to pass along.

There is absolutely no substitute for a dad who is emotionally and physically engaged with his kids. This is the number one factor that increases positive outcomes. Dads have to be involved.

Parents have to demonstrate that their faith is real. That means being at congregational events unless there is a distinct reason not to be. But it also means that your children have to see you reading your Bible and praying as well. There has to be consistency inside and outside the home.

Children need to see sacrifice. The transmission of values is more likely to happen when children see their parents sacrificing financially and personally in order to follow Jesus. If you say you trust God to deal with the uncertainties of life, then you have to show that. If you say you trust God to take care of your financial needs then you have to show that by not being selfish. If you say that you trust God to take care of the injustices of life, then you have to show that is true and give up retribution and retaliation verbally and intentionally.

How Parents Engage

So how do parents do these things? They have to hear the voice of God first. Deuteronomy 6 is about giving your all to God but you have to go back to chapter 5 to understand the command. Moses rehearses for a new generation what happened at Sinai. In the same way, we did not see the cross or the empty tomb, but the reminders from scripture are sufficient to convince us that this is true. That’s how you show your kids what is true.

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