Playing Favorites

What happens when parents play favorites with their children? What happens when the child knows that the parents favor him or her? What happens when the other siblings know that a particular child is favored? The story of Joseph opens with little fanfare. The family is dysfunctional. Joseph’s father, Jacob, while a man of God, has spent much of life deceiving and being deceived. He came into this world fighting and he fought most of his life. Jacob’s mother, Rebekah, favored Jacob while his father, Isaac, favored Esau, Jacob’s brother. Jacob deceived his blind father in order to receive the family blessing. Jacob ran to his uncle, Laban, to escape the hatred of his brother, Esau. There Laban deceived Jacob into marrying both daughters. But Jacob favored Rachel over Leah. Then Joseph is born and he favors this eleventh son over the other ten. All of this favoritism has not gone unnoticed by Joseph nor his brothers.

When Genesis 37 opens, Joseph is 17 years old. He is out tending flocks with his brothers, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, and Asher. We don’t know what they did, but Joseph saw them do something which was not right. Upon returning to camp, Joseph told his father about what his brothers had done. The favorite son gets his older brothers in trouble. From the start of the story we get the feeling that there is a real tension between Joseph and his brothers.

Jacob gives to Joseph a richly ornamented robe to wear. This robe often called a coat of many colors was worn by royalty. In 2 Samuel 13:18, David’s daughter, Tamar, wears a richly ornamented robe. Tamar is raped by her brother, Amnon. After the rape, Tamar tears her robe. She no longer regards herself as pure; thus, the robe is no longer needed. If we allow that story to reflect back on this story, then the robe represents purity. Joseph was then a teenager of high moral character. This trait is seen in Genesis 39. But the coat also represents that Joseph is favored. This coat was not functional. In other words, Joseph could not shepherd sheep with this coat on. Thus, the coat makes a statement. Joseph would not have to work like his brothers. Joseph is treated as the firstborn. This would have angered his ten older brothers.

Then come the two dreams. The first dream has the brothers out cutting grain. As they bound the grain into bundles, Joseph’s bundle of grain stood up while all the brothers bundles gathered around his and bowed down to it. This resulted in increased anger with his brothers. The second dream had the sun, moon, and eleven stars bowing down to him. This dream he shared with his father as well as his brothers. This second dream resulted in jealousy while Jacob retained the matter in his mind. Joseph was favored.

What happens when favoritism is shown? As parents and grandparents we must be careful not to show favoritism among our children or grandchildren. Certainly some children are easier to get along with and are more likable personality wise, but by flaunting favoritism we produce disharmony among siblings as well as the family. Realize, too, that as parents we are less at ease with our first born child than with later children. Parenting is a difficult task and we don’t want to mess up. So we have higher expectations on our first born which may translate in less patience for their mistakes. By the time the second and subsequent children come along we have relaxed and realize that not only is perfection not expected of our children but of ourselves as well. Therefore, second born and subsequent children are more relaxed as we relax and thus they may be easier to get along with. We may gravitate to them. Be careful not to show favoritism.

The first eleven verses of chapter 37 set the stage for what is come later. Joseph is from a dysfunctional family. He is favored among his brothers. His brothers hate him. They despise him. Joseph knowing his favored status is well attested has a certain arrogance which comes through when he tells his brothers his dreams. But God is working in all of this as we shall see in the next section.

Betrayal

Verses 12-36 begins with a verification of Joseph’s favored status. The brothers are out taking care of the sheep. Where is Joseph? Seventeen year old boys in that day and time are quite capable of tending sheep. David was seventeen when he fought Goliath and he had been tending sheep for a while. Joseph has been at home to be with his father. No work for the favored son. Verse 14 may contain a statement of a spy mission. Whether Joseph understood it as a spy mission or just to see how things were going, we don’t know. But he is commissioned to go and check on his brothers. That alone will not settle well with them.

They are grazing in the area of Shechem. It was in Shechem that their sister, Dinah, had been raped. Simeon and Levi through deceit had tricked all the men into being circumcised. At the height of their discomfort, they attacked the city and killed the men. This could have been an innocent mission in which Jacob was truly concerned about the safety of his boys in such a hostile environment. Nonetheless, Joseph’s appearance in his richly ornamented coat would have produced anger and hatred among his brothers. One more time his favored status would be seen.

The story progresses quickly. The brothers see Joseph coming in the distance. They plot to kill him. Reuben, the oldest, suggests not killing him, but at least getting him out of the way. His intention was to take Joseph back home to Jacob. The brothers agree to this second plot. They forcibly take Joseph, stripping away his ornamental coat, and throw him into a dry cistern. Don’t you wonder what was going through Joseph’s mind? Genesis 42:21 tells us. Joseph pleads for his life. He wants to get out of this cistern.

What were the brothers thinking? In 37:25, they sat down to eat. Imagine the scene. The brothers are sitting around a campfire eating their meal when their own brother cries out for mercy. He sobs for release. He pleads that his brothers will let him go. As the afternoon gives way to the shades of darkness, they look in the distance and see this caravan of traders heading south. Judah offers an idea. Let’s sell Joseph to this band of traders and be rid of him forever. After all he is our own flesh and blood. With family like this who needs enemies.

Convinced that they weren’t going to kill him, neither could the brothers just let him go back home to tell Jacob what had happened. Even Reuben is quickly convinced that they had done the best they could to deal with their hatred and yet not hurt Joseph. A side note. Reuben’s statement in verse 30 is based on the fact that he already was in hot water with Jacob. In 35:22, after the death of Rachel, Reuben had sexual relations with Bilhah, Jacob’s concubine. While nothing is said in the immediate context about Jacob’s reaction, in 49:4 Jacob never forgot the incident and severely rebuked Reuben for his sin. So Reuben has no options left except to join his brothers in this deception and sin.

First, you reap what you sow. There is a lot of deception in this initial story. Jacob was a deceiver and seems have taught his children well how to be deceptive as well. Abusers begat abusers. Liars give birth to liars. Our children learn from us very well. They see our sin and learn how to be just like us. The Harry Chapin song entitled “Cat’s in the Cradle” is a song which depicts this truth. The father never had time for his child and when the child grows up he has no time for the father. If we have an angry disposition, our children will develop one as well. If we lack integrity, so will our children. We reap what we sow.

Second, this story must not be seen in isolation. God takes the brother’s deception and sin and uses it to bless them later. God had made a promise that while the land of Canaan would belong to his descendants, they would have to live four hundred years in another land before finally possessing this land (15:16). Somehow he had to get Abraham’s descendants to Egypt. Carefully and with great planning, God will bring his plan about. This story needs to be the first of many in which we recognize that God uses the sin of his creation to even accomplish his purposes. Our God is constantly at work in all situations to bring about his will. This lesson should come through loud and clear in this text.

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