Marriage Questions

Introduction

Several years ago, my mother gave me a collection of letters, notes, and cards. Many of these were from me to them from soon after we got married to soon after Spenser was born. I have enjoyed going through them as they have reminded me of events long since forgotten. Also in the collection were personal papers and sermons of my great grandfather on my mother’s side, Henry Jasper Wilson. My grandmother did not really know her father. He died at the age of 29 and my grandmother was about 2 or 3 years of age at the time. Her mother married another man and their blended family consisted of 8 children. This man was more than a stepfather. She called him Pa. I knew Pa Pearce but he died before I turned 5.

Henry Jasper Wilson was a preacher for a Presbyterian church in the Knoxville area. I have a number of his sermons. Handwritten. The paper is crumbling. Many of the pages look as if mice have gotten to them. My grandmother kept them in her basement and didn’t protect them. I am thankful to have them. He had very neat handwriting. I came across a partial letter. It has the number “4” on it. And it is speaking of encouraging the Woodcraft fraternity. He also mentions by name Joseph Cullen Root. Are you familiar with this? You may know the name “Woodmen of America.” Here’s the thing—I have no idea why my great grandfather was writing this letter; to whom it was written; and what triggered his need to write the letter. But I have this small portion of the letter.

According to 1 Corinthians 5:9-11, Paul has written a previous letter to the Corinthians. The allusion to that letter tells us about one part of the letter. What we call 1 Corinthians is actually a second letter. This is an ongoing dialogue between Paul and the believers in Corinth. We do not have their letters. According to 1:11, Paul has been informed from members of Chloe’s household about divisions within the body of Christ in Corinth. But the Corinthians have also sent Paul a letter. According to 7:1, now for the matters that you wrote about. We do not have their letter. We cannot know their specific questions; nor the reasons for the questions; nor the specific context surrounding the questions. What we have is Paul’s response which they would have understood.

The point is simply this. Some come to the text and make it say more than it was intended to say. They read the words without knowing or understanding the fuller context of the letter from the Corinthians and they extrapolate from the letter more than what Paul has to say. Today and next week we are going to deal with Paul’s response and try to make some educated guesses about the specific items that were being asked. We will be definitive when possible but in some areas we will be speculative at best. And where there is speculation there will be disagreement. But what we can be definitive about provides opportunity for us to focus on what is important allowing us to focus on the God who has brought us together and the Christ who is our Lord and the Spirit who empowers us to walk in holiness.

Marriage, Sex, and Holiness

7:1 seems to be a quote from the letter that the Corinthians wrote Paul. “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” The statement is correct as far as it goes. But Paul quickly addresses the husband and wife relationship. So the speculation is that perhaps with the emphasis on avoiding sexual immorality some have taken this sentiment and applied it to sexual relations within marriage. Perhaps the point is to avoid sexual relations within marriage in order to increase one’s spiritual focus and purpose. Paul’s response is that God intended for husbands and wives to engage in sexual relations. In fact, Paul says that abstaining from sexual relations has the opposite effect—abstinence within marriage promotes sexual temptation not spiritual enlightenment. Both husband and wife need to have sexual access so that sexual temptation is minimized.

He then endorses singleness (and we will return to this next week) but agrees that sexual desire is not a bad thing and if one with sexual desires should seek to get married rather than remain single. Paul is endorsing marriage. Being married and engaging in sexual contact does not diminish a person’s spiritual life. Being single is good but if sexual desires are strong then it is God’s will that you get married and have an outlet for those desires rather than having to deal with temptation.

Then Paul turns his attention in which there is a believer and an unbeliever in the same household. Again the speculation is that perhaps there was this idea being espoused that believers and unbelievers should not remain married. The idea is that a believer was some how tainted by contact with the unbeliever. Verses 10 & 11 are intended to endorse the command of Jesus toward believers. Christians are not supposed to divorce. In the event that a marriage between two Christians dissolves, then they are to remain single so that they can reconcile. Paul says this is God’s command.

Putting your spouse away or divorcing isn’t supposed to be easy for believers. The faith of believers inspires them to find ways to work out problems and believers seek ways to forgive and reconcile before they seek ways to separate. Paul is not addressing every situation of marital discord and neither am I, but the command remains. Believers married to believers are to look for means of reconciliation not divorce.

Then Paul addresses those who are married to unbelievers. His distinctive command comes from him not the Lord meaning not Jesus. Jesus never spoke about such things. He taught about Jews married to Jews. He never addressed the possibility of Jew and Gentile being married. So Paul is expanding into the realm of command which comes from him. But this does not lose its force or intent to be followed (see 7:17 and 25 and 14:37). Believers are to do everything they can to remain married to an unbeliever. Such a union allows for holiness to be experienced. Paul’s argument is that children who come from this union are holy or to put it in the negative they are not in some tainted or unholy. In the same way, the believer, who is holy, brings holiness to the unbelieving spouse. If, however, the unbelieving spouse chooses not to remain in the marriage then Paul says the believer is called to live at peace. They are no longer bound.

Again, some come to this text to ask can Christians remarry. Paul does not address that in this text. He is speaking to a specific situation in Corinth and is expecting them to follow his instructions. If our speculation is correct, then the problem is thinking how to remain holy in marriage and Paul’s answer is that holiness is found in marriage including through sexual relations and in relationship with unbelievers.

Principles

Paul’s summary in verses 17-24 is intended to give principles to live by. The first principle is to follow God’s commands. If God has a command then believers should follow that command without questioning it (v. 19). Believers are to follow the clear commands of God. There is no discussion about that.

Second, your spiritual status is not hampered by your physical status. Paul uses multiple illustrations to make this point. If you were circumcised when you became a believer there is no spiritual value in trying to change your physical status. If you were uncircumcised when you became a believer changing your physical status will not increase your spiritual status. Were you a slave when you became a believer? Then God doesn’t look at slaves as despised. If one can gain their freedom then that is a good thing. But being a slave does not hamper your spiritual status. To a group of people who struggled with status, Paul sets things in order. Your spiritual status is not enhanced by changing your physical status. Married when you became a believer. Stay married. Unmarried when you became a believer. Stay unmarried. Your spiritual status is not enhanced by your marital condition. Writing to a group who were about competition and winning, Paul does not want them to compete for spiritual status believing that someone is more holy because of a physical status.

Third, I want to address marriage, divorce, and remarriage briefly. God’s intent is for a husband and a wife to remain married for life. But we live in a fallen world and sin comes into relationships. Sometimes the sin is so pervasive that couples do not remain together. Believers seek ways to forgive and reconcile but when that isn’t possible and divorce comes then what. As adamant as some are about trying to address every situation, I am equally adamant about not addressing situations that the Bible doesn’t specifically address. But the principle that Paul presents here has much to say to us. Serve the Lord where you are. Remarried—serve the Lord. Single—serve the Lord. Concerned that your current marriage isn’t what God wants—seek ways to forgive yourself, your spouse, and serve the Lord. I am convinced that God has grace and mercy in abundance. Let me be clear. I am not endorsing ending marriages. Believers work hard to forgive and reconcile. We swallow our pride and learn to serve our spouse. But if divorce comes, you can still serve God. A divorce does not mean God has given up on you. Serve the Lord where you are. Seek to be more like Jesus in touching the lives of others.

Invitation.

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