Marriage

Introduction

My mother told me frequently that she prayed for me. I believed her. It gave me a sense of confidence and assurance. She would also tell me at times what she prayed for specifically. She prayed that my brother and I would marry young ladies who loved God. Knowing that she was praying for inspired me to pray as well. My mother wasn’t the first and she will not be the last to pray for their children especially in terms of a marriage partner. From the time our children are babies we pray for them to be led toward a person who will love God and who will honor our children. If you have a child, the person he/she will marry is being raised. We should pray that those parents are loving and wise in their practices so that a faithful man or woman will be the result.

95% of the people in America will marry. Not only are parents to be praying for their children, but children should be praying for themselves and their future mates. It is wise for a young men and women to pray as they seek mates. It is wise for young men and women to study God’s word to discover the qualities which a Christian wife or husband should possess. The Proverbs are not silent about marriage. Today we are going to look at what the wise men of old had to say about marriage and the intent of God for marriage. Let’s continue with songs which remind us God’s faithfulness to us.

The Good Husband

Proverbs is written from a male perspective; thus, much of what it has to say about marriage is stated as a father might speak to his son. The father speaks to his son in very personal ways about what he should be looking for in a wife. But there are also words spoken to the son about what kind of man he should be. In 5:15-20, the son is told that he is to find physical pleasure with his wife and there should never be a time that he would go outside the marriage bond to find sexual fulfillment. In the lengthy section of 7:6-23, the father warns his son about giving into temptation to be with another woman. But these warnings are not all that is said to men about what it means to be a good husband.

In 1:8, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching” the idea is that a good husband will be involved in the raising of children. This is not woman’s work. While mother’s play a vital role in the guiding and disciplining of children, fathers have an equally valid and important role. Recent sociological research has once again focused on the value of the father in a child’s life. Results of that research verify that father’s who spend time with their children, take an interest in their children, and participate with their children in life give rise to children who are confident, productive, and successful in most venues of life. We didn’t researchers to tell us that. God has already told us that a good man who is trying to be a good husband will share in the responsibilities of raising children.

Many times we view the biblical relationship as one in which the woman is merely property to be used by the man. But this is not an accurate view in Proverbs. In 2:16-17, the wise man says “It (wisdom) will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made with God.” In this text, the son is being warned against adultery. Wisdom is seen as a valuable quality to have to avoid sexual immorality with one who is described as having left her “partner” of her youth. The word partner refers to the husband wife relationship and it is a term used to describe the closest of friends. The husband wife relationship is to be one of friendship. Men, your wife is to be your closest friend. She is to be your best friend. You aren’t on opposite sides. There is to be a friendship which exceeds all others. In Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” The idea isn’t just getting married but finding a wife who is excels in relationships with others. Finding a wife who is able to deal with a variety of circumstances and knows how to deal with people is a real gift from God (19:14). The idea for our discussion is that husbands are to see their wives as God’s gift to them. This certainly is not the idea of property or some simple useful benefit of marriage, but that God himself is interested in the harmony and excellence found in the marriage relationship.

The Good Wife

Whenever we begin to talk about the good wife, Proverbs 31 comes to mind. Before we deal with that text, let’s look at a few other texts which describe for us the good wife. There are a number of passages which focuses on a less than good quality of a wife. Quarreling is spoken of in very negative terms in Proverbs. 19:13, “A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.” And again in 19:9, “better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” It is just plain hard to have a good marriage if the wife is rarely satisfied. The idea of “quarrelsome” carries with it the negative qualities of nagging, being argumentative, critical, and hard to get along with. Having such negative qualities leads to difficulty in the relationship and eventual ruin of the marriage.

On the other hand, a good wife brings great honor to her family. 12:4, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” This same view reverberates throughout Proverbs 31. The idea is that the good wife desires to be a genuine helper to the family. Just as it was with the good husband who shared in the raising of children so the good wife looks for ways to influence make an impact for good on her family. It is of value to her that her husband and children are honorable and God fearing. But this same value is shared by the husband for a foolish child brings no honor to him.

Some might say that this is a very chauvinistic view of women. Some might suggest that Proverbs makes women appear to be interested in one thing—making her husband and family look good. I would suggest that there is some truth to that. And I would further suggest that the same view is held for the husband. But perhaps the criticism of an archaic view comes from our misunderstanding as husbands and wives that we are to servants of one another. If we read through Proverbs 31 there is little doubt that the good wife has a number of outside interests. She owns property and has an income; she makes things to sell and to clothe; she is full of wisdom and intelligence, but theses things find meaning and purpose in her family. Why is that so archaic an idea? Must we accept the world’s view that life only as meaning and purpose as it directly benefits an the individual? According to the Proverbs, meaning and purpose are found in fearing God. According to Proverbs, the good husband finds meaning and purpose in raising good children who honor God. According to Proverbs the good wife finds meaning and purpose in raising good children who honor God. The reward for both the husband and the wife is seeing children who love and honor the Father. What is archaic about such a view?

Throughout the Proverbs, the family as seen as the place where wisdom exists in order to train children to fear God and keep his commands. The family is the place where the good man and the good woman appreciate the person and the relationship. There is no view in Proverbs of the man acting in such a way that he does not consider his wife in his actions. And the same is true for the woman. In Proverbs both the man and the woman are given the important task of honoring God through wise living. In marriage we learn the value of our partner and we serve God. By doing so we bring honor to him who cares very much about your marriage and mine.

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