I'm Right

Introduction

Instant replay has become a part of the sports world. In professional sports, coaches are allowed to challenge calls made during the game to see if the referees or umpires got it right. Even when coaches do not challenge, networks are able to show us again the great play using slow motion, zoom action, even 180 degree angles to show us how the play took place. We can analyze the play in single frames so that a right call can be made or a greater appreciation can grow out of a particular play.

Progressive Insurance company has made a series of commercials using replay to verify who is right and who is wrong in a situation. Who wouldn’t want a replay from time to time—to have a chance to prove that you are right and the other person is wrong. But what is interesting is that many times we are wrong when we think we are right. We say the wrong word and someone corrects us and we are sure that we didn’t say the wrong word. Or someone else does that. Instant replay would be great. But the commercial illustrates a certain reality in life that plays out in choices and relationships. We believe the lie that I’m right. The implication of this lie grants permission to do what we want and to assume that others are wrong. The source of this lie is easy to see but more difficult to contest.

The Lie

The lie “I’m right” gives permission for behaviors and for relationships. It is difficult to live in this world believing you are more often wrong than right. We understand the implication of seeing yourself as frequently in the wrong. Such a view can lead to depression, lots of anxiety, dependency on others, an inability to make decisions, and not engaging in life. The person who is convinced that they are more wrong than right will find that life is filled with fear. This is not healthy. On the other hand, the person who believes that they are right and have a hard time admitting or believing they are wrong can have mental health issues as well, but what they do have is pride or arrogance.

C.S. Lewis writes that pride is the source of all sins. The lie that says “I’m right” means that the person is able to discern most areas of life (no matter how complicated they may be) and provide an answer or rationale for behaviors, thoughts, and words. This affects relationships as well as how one engages life. Most of the time we think we are right. We believe our opinions are well informed. We believe that we have thought about things and come to conclusions that make sense to us. What is more difficult is to recognize that we are all like that and to give room for other points of view.

There is a difference between one who thinks they are right and confident and one who thinks they are right and arrogant. Being timid grows out of not being sure or lacking confidence. But there is a difference between timidity and humility. Do you get the impression that balance is important? But there is another truth that gets forgotten in all of this. That truth is no one is right all the time and no one is wrong all the time. Our experiences in life many times affect our view of self and that is a completely different subject.

Viewing self as right comes from pride. Here is how it looks: I know what God says, but God never lived in a world like ours. Being right means that others have to be wrong, so you try to force your view on others. You refuse to listen to other points of view since they cannot be right. You find yourself in frequent arguments with others trying to prove them wrong. You find yourself getting internally angry (even if you don’t show it) because others don’t see things as you do. You justify your actions even when they hurt others because you know you are right.

None of us particularly like these kinds of actions and thoughts. This lie, however, is more easily seen in others than it is in yourself. We already think our opinions and perspectives are right and so we are quick to decide that others are wrong and that they are arrogant. It couldn’t possibly be me. So what does that sound like? “I don’t see how anyone could do that.” “They seem so sure of themselves. They must think the world revolves around them.” Or the best ones—we use words to criticize in others what is in us.

The Truth

Pride goes before destruction. We have all seen the reality of that. It’s the following verse that gives us pause: Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud. While we don’t want to see ourselves as proud neither do we want to consider ourselves the lowly or poor. Humility is difficult to find much less to want. We like it when we see it in others and we find it difficult to want it in ourselves. Jesus tells the parable in Luke 14 about when you are invited to someone’s house for dinner that you don’t rush to sit at the best seats. Instead be invited to sit there. Jesus says it is better to be humble than to be humiliated.

The lie focuses on one’s pride; the truth focuses on humility. Our world endorses the first and makes light of the second. God disapproves of the first and endorses the second. This is the reality with all lies and the reality of how the lies work in the world. If we discover the lie, then we know the world will endorse it and God’s truth is different. Jesus was confident without arrogance. He was direct with humility. He offered truth and it was rejected. Like most people, we find the truth offensive because it means we have to make changes. And now we are back at the lie “I’m Right.”

So how do we deal with this lie? First, we have to admit that being humble is not an easy thing because it often leads to being hurt or taken advantage of. We don’t like either. So it is much easier to insist on our “rightness” rather than being humble. All 12 step programs start with the same truth—you have to admit that you are powerless. That’s where we start. To put it another way, we have to admit that we have a problem. Our problem is that we are sinners. We aren’t right; we are wrong.

Second, intentionally choose a lower position. This isn’t easy. This is challenging. Try to choose to listen before you speak. Try to be last rather than first. Try to speak less about self and more about the other person. Learn to think “I could be wrong” before you jump to “I am right.”

Finally, immerse yourself in the gospel accounts. There was no one more humble than Jesus. Choose one of his encounters with someone and notice his humility. In Matthew 19:16-22, he is direct but not condescending. Insightful but not demanding. Calling for following but leaving room for the man to choose. No anger. No timidity. Confident, not arrogant. This is how we want to be as well. Invitation.

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