I Have to Have Everyone's Love and Approval

Introduction

Satan lies. He isn’t merely the father of lies; he only knows how to lie. But his best lies have kernels of truth in them. These kernels make it easier to believe the lies. Learning to reject Satan’s lies takes energy and focus. It requires us to think and pause and to capture thoughts so that they can be examined. Part of the maturing process is to be able to think more long term than short term. In our youth, thinking short term is easier and more satisfying. Immediate results are valued. Long term thinking requires that we set aside the desire for immediate positive outcomes for outcomes that last longer.

We know this is true but it is difficult to implement. To prepare for retirement, one has to say ‘no’ to certain short term opportunities in order to set aside funds for later. In raising children, parents understand that what the child wants today will be forgotten, lost, or discarded tomorrow, so teaching your child to push away the immediate desire is part of helping our children grow. Our journey of faith is not a sprint; it is a marathon leading to an eternity with Father. Jesus faced temptation soon after his baptism. One of those temptations was power. Satan offered him a shortcut. He could rule the nations for worshiping Satan. To say ‘yes’ would have eliminated the cross (personal suffering) and brought what he ultimately wanted (Lordship) more immediately. However, to say ‘yes’ meant he would not be Lord and his suffering would have only started as Satan would have won.

Today we are going to look at the lie that “I have to have everyone’s love and approval.” Like all of Satan’s lies, there is a part that seems possible and good. But if we keep our focus on the long term, we will discover God’s truth.

The Basis of the Lie

We are made for relationship. The first man discovered his aloneness and knew it wasn’t good. He longed for companionship. God accommodated that and we have the beginning of earthly relationship. And with the advent of sin, we have been struggling ever since. Somewhere in our childhood, we had to learn to rein in our selfishness in order to have playmates; we had to learn to behave in order to get along with our parents; we had to learn how to engage in proper behaviors in school in order to get along with teachers and other students. To some degree we had to learn how to please others in order to get what we really wanted—a sense of belonging; to be accepted.

Choosing to live in isolation is not what most of us would choose. We may prefer our own company to others but even at some point we want to share life in some way. Celebrating the milestones of life alone is not a positive image. We want to love and be loved. God made us that way and to some degree in order for that to happen we have to tone down ourselves and allow others to be preferred.

As we learn to please others, we get some positive results. Someone may say “He/She gets along with everyone.” “This child is so friendly.” “This child is easy to get along with.” And before long we like those compliments and we are friendly and want to get along and we begin to discover that we feel more accepted as a result. This may be true in school but it is often expected in the home. We want our kids to get along; we want the home to be a place of harmony and those reasonable expectations require some form of learning to please each other so that you are loved and can love. This is normal. What makes it a problem is when such expectations means that we have to pretend to be something we are not.

To put it another way—if you want relationship and companionship then you can’t have your way all the time. Satan tells us that the only way to companionship is that you have to please everyone else. The truth is that God made you for relationship; relationship is a gift from God. The lie is that people will only love you if you please them. What does it mean to be a people pleaser? You have a hard time saying ‘no.’ You can’t stand to disappoint anyone and you feel so bad about it that you make life harder for you to avoid disappointing anyone. You don’t say what you are thinking because you don’t want to have anyone not like you. You suppress your emotions when you are hurt. You listen to others and follow their direction rather than providing your own thoughts. You make sure that others approve of you and like you. You would rather be disappointed than have another be disappointed. You deny your own values so that someone will like you.

To some degree we all have to learn to please others, but it isn’t mentally healthy or spiritually healthy when we please others so that we lose our sense of identity and purpose. Albert Ellis, a leading figure in the field of Counseling Theory, said that most people’s problems are the result of caring too much about what others think about you. Trying to please others leads to losing yourself. Ellis is right, but he was an atheist and his highest outcome was to think rationally and please yourself. As Jesus followers we have a higher calling, purpose and identity that Paul deals with in our text.

The Text

The churches in Galatia were being told that in order to really love Jesus they had to add Jewish laws and customs to their worship and life. Paul condemns such a view. He writes this letter to bring the believers back into line with God’s truth. They are giving up the gospel of grace for the gospel of works. This perversion of the gospel (v. 7) will result in eternal condemnation. While Paul doesn’t use the term Satan or lies, the implication is there. The gospel that the false teachers are bringing is not good news. It is a satanic lie. Work hard; do more; eat certain foods; circumcise your men. All lies. No freedom. No love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, or self-control.

Look at verse 10. Paul understood the options that teachers have in trying to get hearers to respond. You can preach what they want to hear or you can preach what they need to hear. The first results in people liking you and the second results in people walking with Jesus. Paul writes that he is going to preach to please God. There is little in the way of a calm peaceful approach in this letter. He is argumentative, calling them foolish in 3:1 and wanting the false teachers to emasculate themselves in 5:12. And here in verse 6, he expresses his displeasure in their acceptance of the false teaching by using a word that NIV translates “deserting.” This same word was used in an ancient document and is translated “turncoat.” Paul calls his readers religious turncoats. They are deserters from the grace of Christ. Paul points out that we can focus either on pleasing others or pleasing God. While they are not mutually exclusive, truth must win.

This is where trying to have everyone’s love and approval leads. It leads to abandoning truth. To seek harmony to the detriment of truth is to desire people more than desiring God. The short term result is to have a relationship now but the long term is to pull away from God. It is possible to have both, but the people pleaser will seek relationships over serving Christ because of the immediate benefit. In the process we will lose our identity and purpose and ultimately our grasp of truth. And that is exactly where Satan wins. Fudge on the truth for the immediate gratification of companionship.

Paul takes on the message of the false teachers and he scolds his readers for not thinking about the message they heard. His hard stance that there is no latitude about the one gospel and his curse upon even himself for teaching something differently doesn’t sound like a people pleaser. The solution for being a people pleaser is to understand who you are and what your purpose is. We belong to Jesus and we serve him. We are not going to be swayed by others’ disapproval or our desire to be accepted and loved. Here is the reality with this lie. To try to please everyone means that we deny our true identity and purpose in Jesus. The result means we either live with a lot of guilt or anger. Neither one seems like a good option.

We can’t please everyone and trying to do so makes life miserable. That’s the truth. We please our Father when we behave in ways that demonstrate we are hearing only his voice. It is freeing, but it also has its risks. It is freeing to follow God but others may not like you. It is freeing to live in grace rather than the demands of others, but that may cost you a relationship. It is freeing to know who you are, but others may reject you. The people pleasers are internally arguing with me because Satan is trying to persuade you that you can still follow God and please most everyone. He is trying to convince you that you can have both. Just like he tempted Jesus—you can have power but it comes with a price. Pleasing people you lose your purpose and identity. It’s a big price to pay for companionship.

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