How to Win

Introduction

We live in a competitive world. It doesn’t really matter what arena we discuss—sports, politics, business, even churches. Even in our own minds. Competition is a part of our life. We learn to live with it. We may even learn how to be competitive. Competition in and of itself is not wrong. Like so many things it depends on how we use the competition. A business person without a directed competitive spark will not do well. An athlete without a will to compete will not succeed. It is said of Reggie White, former All-Pro Defensive End for Green Bay Packers and ordained Baptist Minister that he told his opponents that “Jesus is coming.” And he referred to himself. Healthy competition abounds. Is there such a thing as healthy competition within a congregation? Is there a place for competition which makes us better. Maybe. But it is hard to see it as clearly as we might in other venues of life.

What often happens with competition is that someone must be declared a winner and that automatically means that someone must be declared a loser. There is little consolation in having given your all only to find yourself #2. No business person likes to lose out on the deal. No athlete likes to lose the game. Coaches and mentors tell us to hold our heads high because we tried. But at the moment trying doesn’t seem as fulfilling as winning. Is there a place in a congregation for winners and losers? Does a healthy competition in a congregation breed losers who smile? Probably not.

Admit it. None of us enjoy losing. And in a congregational setting losing means that we have less power than others. The cry for unity and love fall deafly on the ears of the one who feels like they have lost. Conflict is going to arise. But may God be merciful to us when the conflict arises and there is one who approaches it from a win/lose proposition. The truth is none of us is above being competitive. Just touch the right button and out comes the game face. We can talk trash with the best of them when we think it is called for. And after the dust settles and the words have been said only then do we realize that being declared the winner means someone had to lose. In congregational life winning and losing are not what we are about. There are times when we must fight for truth. But even in those fights it is rare that we have to leave a bloody, broken, and disfigured fellow warrior.

Competition is about power. Winning and losing is about who is best, right, or more powerful. When conflicts arise within churches it is not unusual for members to interrupt each other, to voice their opinions without listening to others, and to form power blocks to rally around their position and to oppose those who do not share their views. Such a display of power destroys fellowship and community. When the objective is to triumph then the cords of love are strained unfortunately beyond repair. And when a person does win, the losers are bitter and are not apt to cooperate well. Woundedness is the result. Relationships are broken. There has to be a better way.

Cooperation

Conflict is seen as a threat to relationships. The truth is conflict can be an encouragement to relationships. As we have noted before, conflict allows us to rethink and reexamine our views. Such reexamination can result in stronger ties to each other as well as the will of God. Conflict can open the door to greater cooperation. If we handle conflict with a desire to see all parties win then greater cooperation results. Now some of you may be thinking that it is impossible in a conflict for both sides to win. Someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. Some of you may be thinking that suggesting cooperation is nothing but naivete.

Let’s see if we can agree on some things before we completely write off this way of dealing with conflict. If we can practice cooperation then there will be coordination of behavior, better communication, and a strengthening of our bonds. Best of all with cooperation a congregation preserves and promotes unity and harmony. Cooperation calls on all of us to deal with controversy openly and honestly. Cooperation demands that we look for ways to benefit the group rather than seeking ways to win personally. Cooperation expects that we come to understand the other side as well as our own side.

Cooperation allows us to keep in mind who is the enemy and who is the ally. Our brothers and sisters are not the enemy. So with cooperation we treat each other generously and kindly. Cooperation means that issues must be discussed in a public way. Solutions come because we have all had a chance to discuss the issue rather than having a select few devise plans behind closed doors. Cooperation creates an environment in which all are encouraged to participate in the community solution. A group decision calls for the entire group to help with the solution. Cooperation promotes relationships rather than destroying them. Winners and losers look at each other through different eyes than when they have been working together.

But What If Cooperation Doesn’t Work?

Maybe you are convinced about the value of cooperation. Perhaps it makes sense to you, but there are times that cooperation isn’t possible. There are times that a call for cooperation is ignored. What then? What if cooperation doesn’t work? Let me propose a solution which doesn’t sit very well with us. Let me propose a solution which you may have thought about but rejected or a solution which never crossed your mind. Here it is—choose to lose. Certainly there are times that we cannot allow truth to lose. But as I said last week, few congregational issues are over truth principles. Most of the time it is opinion.

Choose to lose. Choose to give in. “But I’ll feel resentful and bitter.” Not if you choose to lose. You can slug it out. You can win. You can be right. You can get your way. And when you do, maybe harmony will be intact. But too often slugging it out results in hurt and frayed feelings. So choose to lose. This flies in the face of our competitive nature. None of us want to be the resident doormat. But you aren’t a doormat if you choose to give in.

Jesus rebuked his disciples for having a win/lose attitude. He said such thinking was characteristic of the pagans not those who were to be his disciples. True greatness was shown through humility and service. Of course there were times that Jesus used win/lose language. It was reserved for those who completely rejected the will of God. There are times that we must win, but there are times through humility and service we choose to lose. Paul says in our text to make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification. He also says that we are to voluntarily give up our rights if it helps to keep a brother from stumbling. He instructs that choosing to lose is a good, sound and productive action.

We are to be patient with each other. We are not to give up on a brother or sister. We must be quick to forgive and be reconciled. We are to return blessing for cursing. And if someone must lose then we must be willing to surrender rather than force defeat onto someone else. This is what Jesus did at the cross. Patient, forgiving, pronouncing blessing even when they cursed him. And when the time came he stretched out his arms and give in to the crowd. He chose to lose. Only God can take what is perceived as a loss and turn it into victory. So we seek ways to cooperate and when that doesn’t work, we seek ways to lose. Such actions and attitudes makes us far from weak. Such an attitude demonstrates the attitude of Jesus. And Jesus was never weak. Prayer.

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