Household

Introduction

A. Too many children are ignored today and too many children ignore their parents. There are challenges in raising children and there are challenges being a child. Finding time for our children and children finding the time to be children are issues today. When we come to Ephesians 6, we are apt to read it through 21st century eyes. But it is necessary that we gain an appreciation for the culture of the 1st century. In Paul’s day, the man as husband and father was completely in charge of his family. In the pagan world, he was given full responsibility of the children. While he did not raise them (this was often given to the wife to do or given to a slave or tutor), he was given the right to decide if they lived.

B. A father could force his children out of the home at any time, at any age. He could sell them as slaves. He could enslave them, chain them and force them to work in the fields. He could take the law into his own hands and declare any sentence he pleased. He could even have them put to death and answer to no one for his actions. Infants were placed at their father’s feet for him to inspect. If he picked up the child, it was accepted into the family and cared for. If he walked away, the child was simply disposed of. Babies like these, who were healthy, were picked up, taken to the forum and sold to be raised as slaves and prostitutes. The Roman statesman Seneca, who lived in Rome while Paul was imprisoned there wrote, “We slaughter a fierce ox, we strangle a mad dog, we plunge a knife into a sick cow. Children born weak or deformed, we drown.”

C. A first century letter from a man named Hilarion writing to his wife Alis says in part, “if you should after a time give birth, if it happens to be a boy, keep him. If it’s a girl, expose her.” This casual cruelty was rampant in the 1st century. That is not to say that there wasn’t compassion. But the husband and father could do as he wished with his household. It is in this setting that the message of love, compassion, forgiveness, and mercy comes to pagan ears. Those who became followers of Jesus were at times uncertain about how to conduct themselves in a pagan world. Paul addresses the household beginning in 5:21 in which he commands mutual submission because of this relationship with Jesus. He speaks directly to how husbands and wives are to regard one another in 5:22-33. They are to imitate the relationship of Christ and the church. Then he turns his attention to children and parents and to slaves and masters. Today we will see how followers of Jesus raise children and how children interact with parents.

The Text

A. Just as in the previous text, there is a clear instruction to children. Of course, this instruction could only be followed by those who were able to understand it. Paul is addressing those children who have given themselves to following Jesus. Children are to obey their parents. The word for obey means that children are to listen to what their parents say and to submit to them. The phrase “in the Lord” can be taken one of two ways but either way is not to give children options. It can mean that the children are to obey as the parent’s instruction doesn’t violate the will of God. Certainly this is true. It, however, doesn’t relieve the child from obedience. The better meaning has to do with the attitude of the child. They are to obey because it honors Christ.

B. This is emphasized with the words “this is right.” It is right for children to obey parents. Not because parents want obedience but because God wants what is right. Paul then quotes the fifth word from God. This command finds its basis from early on in the Jewish history. Obedience brings God’s promise of quality and quantity of life. Paul’s point is not to give a once for all spiritual law that obedient children have good long lives. Rather, his point is that God is interested in children obeying parents. This is what God wants and children who are trying to follow Jesus demonstrate their commitment by listening and doing what their parents tell them to do.

C. This is the child’s responsibility because of their desire to be faithful to God. While the command is given extra emphasis upon God’s intent from the beginning of the Israelite nation, remember that in the 1st century, life and death belonged to the father as well as freedom or slavery. Every child struggles with obedience. The emphasis, of course, is that the child is to listen and submit to their parents because it imitates your relationship with God. A child will not ignore God nor should they ignore their parents.

D. Paul then moves in a clear statement in which he addresses fathers. Most want this to be directed to parents rather than males. For the 21st century that probably is wise. However, at the time of the writing the father was the ultimate authority for what happened to the family. Notice in verse 1 that Paul has already used a word properly translated “parents.” Verse 4 is a different word which is the word “father.” To take this and apply it to parents is to miss an important point. The father who is following Jesus has the ultimate responsibility to lead his children in the right way. Fathers are not to exasperate their children. This means fathers are not to do things that will result in their children being bitter and resentful.

1.  Sometimes we are too loose in our relationships with our children. No boundaries leads a child to go against family values and principles.

2.  Sometimes we are too harsh. We expect and demand perfection and berate for every misdeed. The child then rebels.

E. Paul gives the balance. We are to bring our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. The phrase “bring them up” is the word “nourish.” We are to view our children as tender plants needing great care in order to thrive and survive. What are we to use to nourish them? We are to instruct them daily about the ways of the Lord. We are to discipline in the ways of the Lord and we are to encourage in the ways of the Lord. This isn’t so that our children will be like us but so that they grow to honor and glorify God in their personality and gifts.

F. Verses 5-9 make sense in the Roman household of the 1st century. Slavery was very common in the Roman world. More slaves existed in Rome than free. Paul writes about this world and with some specific instructions for both the slave and master. Many have tried to apply these instructions to the relationship between employer and employee. It isn’t the same. There would have been heavy pressure on slaves trying to follow Jesus when the master was not a believer. And so these instructions address that situation. We also know that a believing master needed special instructions about how to treat slaves. And Paul addresses that here as well. There are two principles that can pulled from this text and applied to our lives.

1.  First, we work for God. Our work isn't for a master or employer. Our work is for God. This changes the complexion of work and makes us move from trying to think about a paycheck and about what we want to understanding that we work directly for God.

2.  Jesus is master of all. We live in a time and place that it is possible to change jobs if you want. That wasn't possible in Paul's day. Slave was going to be a slave unless the slave could buy freedom or the master released the slave. Jesus was master of all.

Admonition

A. To the children. God loves you and He has a wonderful plan for your life. In his time, He will make that plan known to you. In the meantime, let me encourage you to obey and honor your parents. They love and want the best for you. Get in line with them and do as they tell you. If you haven’t been as obedient and respectful as you should have been; you might want to come to the altar and ask God for forgiveness and then go back and ask mom and dad for forgiveness too.

B. To fathers and mothers. There is no substitute for time with your children. ILL. Children: Needs. We have our children for a short time. Give them what God wants you to give them. Realize that children will make their own decisions. Sometimes those decisions do not reflect our attempts at teaching. But which of us hasn’t gone against some teaching. Perfect parents do not exist. Nor will perfect children. Release yourself from the guilt of your child’s poor decision. Adam and Eve had a perfect father but they still chose to go against him.

C. To all families. There is a tremendous emphasis in this section on the Lord’s will. The emphasis is on following Christ means to be obedient and to nourish. We do these things because we want to bring honor to Jesus. It isn’t about us and what we want; it is about God and the life he has called us to. Live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Invitation.

Follow Jesus

If you’d like to respond to this message or learn more about following Jesus, please reach out.