Harmony in the Home

Introduction

Why do we tend to treat strangers better than our family? This question, posed especially to young people over the past few years, receives a remarkably consistent answer: we expect our family to accept us without question while we try to impress strangers. This pattern reflects a view that has defined the past two to three generations—a growing lack of respect for family. We can blame several sources: lack of parental discipline, a tolerance of everything, the acceptance that truth is relative, an emphasis on feelings, a sense of entitlement. But what we must not overlook is that as believers and followers of Jesus, the lack of respect shown to family and others says something about our relationship with God.

Respect is lacking in many aspects of life, not just in the family. Yet we appreciate those who show respect, and the absence of respect makes us cringe. A child being sassy toward a parent has almost become expected. Speaking with contempt toward one’s boss or condescendingly to another person has become commonplace. Such actions do not honor the person toward whom they are expressed, and as believers, they do not honor our God. Our text this morning continues the theme of respect. Peter addresses the home and particularly the way spouses are to treat each other. Let’s learn respectfully.

The Text

We often read Peter in light of Ephesians 5 and assume that both Peter and Paul would be writing with the same intent and purpose. But this assumption is not true. In Ephesians 5, Paul writes about the husband and wife relationship with an eye toward the relationship of Christ and the church. The husband-wife relationship is to reflect the relationship of Christ and the church. But Peter writes from a different perspective, and we need to notice the difference in Peter’s writing.

First, the context begins in 2:11-12. Peter’s readers are to live as aliens and strangers in this world. Their godliness is to quiet the pagans who are stirring up trouble against them. This introduction is fleshed out in the following verses as Peter addresses how this godliness is to be reflected in this world. Peter utilizes the same word throughout this section so that his readers can know that he isn’t just stacking different aspects of living together. In 2:13, the word “submit” serves as the main verb for verses 13-16. Verse 17 highlights the practical outcome of this submission with the listing of four imperatives.

Just to make sure that no change in subject is detected, Peter begins verse 18 with the same word—submit. This time he is addressing the slaves. But this submission is to be with respect. In verses 18-25, the slaves submit even in the face of suffering. He is addressing slaves who are in relationship with unbelieving masters. This submission is not based upon being treated well. This submission is based on knowing that you are subject to God. Looking at the suffering of Jesus convinces the slave that life is to be lived in obedience even when there is suffering.

3:1-7 continues the thought. Two clues convince us that Peter has not changed subjects—how believers are to live among unbelievers. Notice in verse one that the phrase “in the same way” appears. This obviously connects back to how slaves are to act toward their masters. 2:18 says that slaves are to submit with respect so wives in the same way are to submit to their husbands. This is the second clue. The word “submit” is used again to demonstrate that Peter has not changed directions.

Wives are to submit to their husbands who are unbelievers. The point of this submission is to win their husbands over to the Lord. Peter’s point fits the first century culture very well. It was inevitable that the gospel would appeal to slaves and women. The gospel promised freedom, which both slaves and women often lacked in life. It was expected that a man’s household would worship the same gods. When a wife or slave went against the man, it was a sign that the man did not have control over his household. Was it any wonder that Peter needed to address how these were to respond in their household? Slaves and wives were told to submit.

This submission was not based on how well they were treated. In fact, quite the contrary. Mistreatment was to be met with further submission and a commitment to treating the master or husband with respect. The wives are told to make sure that inner beauty is highlighted rather than outer beauty. The point? Live such good lives that you quiet the unbeliever who may object to this newly found direction. In other words, the wives are being told to live in submission to their husbands so that there will be no disharmony in the home.

Verse 7 is only one verse, but within the historical context we realize that husbands wielded a lot of control and power. The phrase “in the same way” again demonstrates that the subject has not changed. Husbands are to treat their wives with respect. Wives are weaker. Peter is again addressing the believer—in this case the husband—and his unbelieving wife. The wording “and as heirs” could just as easily be understood to mean “as even heirs.” Husbands had the power, but they were not to abuse that power in the home. To do so would be to hinder their own spiritual relationship with God.

Application

The principles from this entire text (2:11-3:7) are not difficult to understand. They are difficult to implement. First, we are to have a submissive spirit. While the bulk of the writing is toward groups—slaves and wives—who would not have had much power, the emphasis is on voluntarily yielding one’s will to another. We men may think that we are left out of such a discussion, but verse 7 is clear that unless we develop the same attitude our relationship with God will be hindered.

Our world encourages us to take the position that no one be allowed to walk over us, that we not be the doormat for anyone. But Peter uses the example of Jesus to convince us otherwise. He was insulted but did not retaliate. He was abused but made no threats. He took our sin so that we could be righteous. Looking at Jesus’ example should help us to develop a submissive spirit. Check your reaction to this point. Do you find yourself getting defensive? Do you find yourself a little angry? Check your motives. Don’t you want to live a life as a believer that quiets the unbeliever? We cannot demand our way and be submissive at the same time. Jesus showed us that.

Second, develop an attitude of respect. Learning to treat people with dignity and honor is what Peter has in mind. Peter specifically addresses men that we are to treat our wives with honor. Gender equality did not exist in the first century. Peter tells husbands that they are to honor their wives. Failure to do so results in an impaired spiritual relationship with God. How do we honor another? We value them. We have a sense of awe about that person. Show me how you treat your wife and I will know what kind of spiritually led person you are.

Third, inner beauty is preferred to outward beauty. Peter addresses women on this subject, and I will too. Too much time and energy is spent on trying to look right by this world’s standards. We want to fit in with others, so we wear clothes that reveal too much or we spend time wondering “how we look,” trying to get others to validate our value by our appearance. We are more interested in physical makeovers than in spiritual renewal. Peter is leaving no doubt. Women who love God want to attract others through their kindness, gentleness, and spiritual reverence rather than through fashion.

We men must take some responsibility for this, for we value looks more than inner godly beauty. We will not change our culture, but we can change what we focus on and what we deem to be important. Peter knows that living in a culture which does not endorse godly values is difficult. But the believer’s response is to have a submissive spirit, to treat others with respect and honor, and to value inner beauty rather than physical looks. How are you doing with these instructions?

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