Grudges and Grace

Introduction

There is probably something in your life that if you think about it even now you get a bit embarrassed. You can feel your face getting flushed and you can feel your body respond. It may have been years since that event or circumstance took place and yet it still has an effect on you. In the same way, talking about a particular subject will cause you to have a physical reaction. For example, having run track in school, I can watch for instance the track events during the Olympics and still have a mild “rush” watching the races. For others, discussion about a sin that you struggled with like pornography or lying can produce a bodily reaction. And our attempts to be non-responsive are unsuccessful.

This kind of stimulus-response pattern has been studied by a number of people over the last 50 years. What we have learned is that an event with produced a dramatic emotional and physical response initially will linger for many years. One cannot stop their body from responding when the proper stimulus is given. But most learn how to deal with the response so that it would be difficult to tell that an emotional response has been triggered. In other words, we learn to cover up our discomfort and continue to act in reasonable ways. This is normal. Otherwise, we would all in time just suddenly break down without any warning.

But there are other times in which we do respond physically and emotionally to a suggestion. And all of our attempts to not respond fail. For instance, some get queasy when talking about an operation in somewhat graphic detail. Others faint at the sight of blood. Still others respond negatively to a needle or to the white coat of a doctor. What we learn about such reactions is that the power of suggestion is very strong. And one of the reasons it is very strong is because the person projects or thinks about what is to come. They cannot not think about the last time they saw blood, or received a shot with a needle, or how they felt the last time they thought about an operation. And the passage of time makes little if any difference.

I spend this much time talking about this because we need to understand this concept even in spiritual terms. In Genesis 50, we read that Jacob dies and is buried and immediately Joseph’s brothers worry about what Joseph is going to do to them. They believe that Joseph holds a grudge. Even though for the last 17 years Joseph has been taking good care of them, this will end with Jacob’s death. That event almost 40 years prior has not been forgotten. Nor have they given up believing that at some point, Joseph will exact his revenge. What will make a person continue to believe something that is absolutely false? As we study today, we are going to emphasize the spiritual dimension of grace. And, hopefully, we can answer that question.

The Brother’s Reaction

For 17 years Joseph has been taking care of his brothers and their families. For 17 years the family has been treated as royalty rather than foreigners. For 17 years the best that Egypt had to offer has been at their disposal. Now with Jacob’s death, the brothers are concerned that Joseph has only been treating them well because Jacob was alive. They think that Joseph has been harboring a grudge for all these years. And now with Jacob’s death, the brothers believe that Joseph will act on his grudge.

So they send this message to Joseph asking for forgiveness. Whether Jacob actually said this before his death is uncertain. He could have but then again they may have just made this up. We don’t know. If Jacob did say it before his death, then even he shared apprehension with his sons what Joseph might do after he was dead. We have seen this thinking before from the brothers. In 42:21, 28 and 44:16 they thought their misfortunes were some kind of divine punishment for what they had done. They even bow down to Joseph and claim themselves to be slaves (his dreams in chapter 37 are fulfilled). But Joseph tries to reassure them.

He tells them that he isn’t God. Any wrongs to be righted will be done by God not him. Second, he tells them that God works for good even when men try to do evil. Finally, he declares that he will treat them well. He spoke reassuringly and tried to comfort them.

Grace

I want us to understand how much the brothers lived in fear. Although for 17 years, Joseph took care of them and their families, they must have been living in the fear of the day Jacob died. They experienced extreme guilt over what they had done to their younger brother. This was the event that got the emotional and physical reaction from the brothers. All they had to do was think about selling Joseph into slavery, according to 42:21 they only had to think about his pleas to preserve his life and they responded. Dread, guilt, and shame occupied their minds and left them pleading for Joseph to be kind to them.

How many times are we like these brothers. Thinking back on some sin in our life and our body and mind responds with dread, guilt, and shame. We dread the day we stand before God because we know he will bring that sin up. We feel the overwhelming guilt of what we have done. And we don’t want anyone to discover our sin because then our shame would overwhelming. We think thoughts like “How can God forgive me?” Or “God must be ashamed of me?”

My question is like Joseph, does God weep when he hears us question his grace? It hurt Joseph’s heart for him to think that his brothers still lived in fear, guilt, and shame. God would want you to know that he forgives your sin—fully and completely. He doesn’t remember your sin. In his infinite love and nature, he is no longer able to hold that sin against you. As Paul so triumphantly wrote in Romans 8 “nothing can separate us from God’s love that is in Christ Jesus!”

Recognize that it isn’t God who brings the guilt and shame but ourselves. We hold on to the memory of the sin and it leaves us spiritually drained. So what do we do?

First, we make sure that we have dealt with our sin. Has there been repentance? Expressions of sorrow to those offended? Attempts to reconcile? These must be done in order for our guilt and shame to be set free.

Second, we immerse ourselves in the word. We read passages which express God’s love and his desire to not hold our sin against us.

Third, share that guilt and shame with someone you trust and allow that person to express in words what you long to hear—God loves you, I love you, and you are forgiven.

Fourth, give grace as you have received grace. Be as quick and complete in forgiving others as God has been to forgive you. When we forgive others we find it easier to forgive ourselves. When we extend grace in large measure then we can more easily receive it freely.

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