Dealing With a Mate's Death

Introduction

Tonight’s lesson is topical in nature. While we will look briefly at Genesis 23, the real purpose of tonight’s lesson is to discuss the impact of death on the Christian. We will primarily look at the effect of grief on a Christian. Grief can come from a variety of events not just death. The loss of a job, the loss of a missed opportunity, or the loss of a prized possession can all produce grief. Emotions which come from a loss of something important will result in grief. Most often, however, we think about grief and death. We will allow Abraham’s life to serve as a springboard for what we will say tonight.

Sarah Dies

The first time we meet Sarah in scripture she is 65. All we know about her is that she is Abram’s wife. She had a whole lifetime by the way we count time when we meet her. The Bible records some of the events of her life, but other than periodic episodes we know very little about her. In chapter 23 we are told that she is 127 years old and she dies. 127 years and she dies. We don’t know how many years she and Abraham shared together, but it was no less than 65 years. We know that Sarah was 90 years old when Isaac was born. But the last 37 years of her life is unknown to us.

It seems that this is apt description of life. You are born and you live your life then you die. Most of us are like Sarah. We live in relative obscurity. Few know anything about our lives. Those in Los Angeles do not know us any more than we know them. For most of us a few friends is the best we can hope for. For most of us there will be few recorded events of our life. Most of our life will be spent doing nothing memorable. We are born; we live; and then we die. I don’t mean for this to sound distressing or depressing. This is one of those truths about life that we have to come to grips with. The mentally healthy person understands that death is as much a part of life as birth. That doesn’t mean a person will not sorrow when death comes, but there is an acceptance of death as an integral part of this life. No one lives forever on this earth.

Woody Allen once remarked, “I’m not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” The only way we can escape death is for Jesus to return while we are still alive. Barring his return, we will each die. Most of us will live and die in relative obscurity. The Bible in its simplicity and directness states the obvious. Sarah died. Realizing that death is a part of life allows us to be free to live. The Bible says in Hebrews 2:14–15, that Jesus has taken away the fear of death. As Christians we do not have to fear death, because Jesus has shown that death does not have the final word. Death while the end of this life is the beginning of the next. Sarah died. So will we.

Abraham Mourns

The Bible not only gives simple and concise facts about Sarah but about her husband as well. Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep over her. The language of the text makes it sound as if Abraham was away at the time of his wife’s death. Abraham mourned and wept. Weeping is a natural part of grief. Tears are shed when we lose something precious to us. The death of a spouse would certainly be a time to weep.

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross may have produced the definitive work on death in her book On Death and Dying. In that book she lists the stages of grief. These have become well-known. Whether it is the person dying or the person who receives the news of a loved one who has died the reactions are typically the same.

First, there is denial and isolation. The person who just heard that they have cancer may have thoughts of “it can’t be me.” “Maybe the doctor made a mistake.” The person may withdraw from life for a time. It is all in an attempt to keep death away.

Second, there is anger. A terminally ill patient or his family may become extremely angry about being cheated out of life. Grief produces feelings that whatever has happened is not supposed to happen. Life is supposed to be good. Most often, although rarely stated aloud, the anger is toward God who is supposed to be most benevolent. “How can a good God allow this to happen?” “If God loves me, then he wouldn’t allow this to happen.”

The third stage is the bargaining stage. This is where the dying person or family try to make a bargain with God to extend time. Some will ask for more time in exchange for faithful church attendance or a better life. Some look for extended life through keeping appointments with the future. “I can’t die until I see my child married.”

The fourth stage is depression. As the reality of the loss begins to seep deep into one’s heart they become very sad about the prospects. They find themselves weeping frequently. We begin to lose a sense of purpose and direction. Sleep may leave us and our appetites may diminish. We lose the will to live and we become preoccupied with the deceased.

The fifth stage is acceptance. The person or the family accept the facts as they are. This isn’t the end of grief or of weeping. But it is resignation that things are the way they are.

The final stage is hope. Somewhere in the process we begin to live again. We begin to find purpose and meaning. We begin to look to fill our time and find new vistas to explore. Life continues and with it the prospect that some new venture is awaiting us.

These stages are not seen in Abraham’s life. The Bible wasn’t written for that purpose. But they are nonetheless real. We don’t often speak of the emotional reality which accompanies grief. Based on verse 2 we do need to understand that Abraham was not stoic in his grief. He was not detached and unemotional about the death of his wife. He wept. A natural emotional response to a real loss in his life.

Burial

The purpose of Genesis 23 is to give a historical account of the beginning of the inheritance of the promised land. The purchase of land in the area in which God had promised as for Abraham’s descendants is important. So much detail is given about the transaction to prove that the land was deeded to Abraham in a legal and binding way. This cave became the burial area for Sarah, Abraham, Isaac, Rebekah, Jacob, and Leah (Genesis 49:29–32). Abraham went to a lot of trouble to bury his wife. He knew that he wasn’t a permanent resident of the area. He knew that he had no place to bury his wife. So carefully and deliberately, Abraham purchases a piece of property.

When Abraham purchases this property is making a commitment. It is a purchase of faith. It is a purchase which establishes his belief that future generations will utilize the field as well. He is making a commitment to remain in the land. This commitment is passed on to his son, Isaac, who is buried here. Jacob is so committed to the land that when he dies in Egypt his remains are transported back to this spot. Joseph may have been committed to the land as well. His request was not to be permanently buried in Egypt. So after 400 years of captivity, Joseph’s remains are taken out of Egypt at the time of the Exodus. While we do not know where he was buried, it could be that he wanted to be buried with his father, Jacob. Abraham’s purchase was a purchase of faith.

This burial site became a place where the patriarchs knew God’s promises had been answered. When it is all said and done, we have to have some assurance that death is not the final word. The cave at Mamre became a sign of a future promise. Abraham saw that the cave when purchased would be a sign that he was going to stay in this foreign land and that God’s promise for the land to belong to his descendants was beginning to be fulfilled. We are like Abraham when it comes to death. We find an appropriate spot for the burial of our loved one. We spend the money necessary to have a proper place. In many rural areas there is still decoration day for relatives to return and take care of the grave site of their loved one. Such a practice speaks of respect for the dead and an understanding that this is a bit of property belonging to you and your family.

But for the Christian we understand that we are aliens and strangers here. The purchase of a bit of property doesn’t secure the future for us. The cave at Mamre was a sign of a future promise. For us an empty cave is the sign of a future promise. Peter in his sermon in Acts 2 encouraged his hearers to walk over to the cave in which Jesus had been buried and to see that it was empty. The emptiness spoke volumes about the future. It said that death was no devoid of its power. An empty grave spoke of God’s great power and love. That same power and love is available to all who wish to receive it. God still gives the gift of life eternal for all who place their faith in the one who rose from the dead, Jesus, who is the Christ.

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