Children

Raising kids today is more difficult than it ever has been. Too often we agree with that statement. It isn’t the truth. Ask Adam and Eve how hard it is to raise boys who love each other. Ask Jacob if his boys were easy to raise. Not only did they sell Joseph into slavery but his firstborn slept with one of his father’s wives; the second and third born used great deceit to payback a whole city for a transgression. Ask Peter the Hermit who lived in 1095 A.D. Raising kids is difficult any time. And it is harder if we spend more time listening to parenting experts rather than God. The Bible was not written for the purpose of teaching us how to have good families, but when the Bible speaks about families we can count on it being accurate and insightful.

Proverbs has much to say about children and how to raise them. There is a great emphasis on discipline and punishment. There is also an emphasis on children who dishonor their parents by ignoring the values parents tried to instill in them. We will spend our study time today being reminded that children need help to follow God and that children make choices about who they will follow.

Discipline

Let me say at the outset that having raised two children that there is nothing easy about raising kids. The challenges at times require more than wisdom. I am not and do not judge how other parents raise their children. I made more than my share of mistakes. Imperfect parents cannot raise a perfect child. The Proverbs raise many issues about raising children. But let’s start with what might not seem obvious. Proverbs 20:7 states, “The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.” Raising children begins with the integrity of our own hearts. The father and mother who have committed their lives to God give their children a greater sense of what is important. Children are able to see the intent of our hearts; they are able to discern what is truly important to us. We cannot fool them by our words. They see the integrity of our lives. They see how we treat our spouse; they see how we treat others; they see if our words and lives are consistent. When we are disciplined our children receive the benefit. The consistency of our lives matters.

The Proverbs emphasizes the need for parents to discipline their children well. There are numerous texts which are similar in content and intent. Proverbs 13:24 states, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Proverbs 22:15 declares, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” Proverbs 23:13-14 instructs, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” Proverbs 29:15 teaches, “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.” And Proverbs 29:17 promises, “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” The Proverbs emphasizes the importance of discipline and not being afraid to use “the rod” to accomplish the task. There are several principles from these verses.

First, the home is where values are transmitted. The expectation is that parents will pass on values to their children. We will. We can’t help but do so. But the intent of the Proverbs is that the parent will be intentional about values that are passed on. Certain values are taught passively. Our children watch and hear how we respond to countless situations. Without any intent on our part we pass on values. But the Proverbs want to make sure that we actively pass on certain values and the way we do that is with intent and purpose. From teaching our children how to drive a nail or how to cook a meal or how to balance a checkbook or how to deal with anger or forgiveness or hundreds of others lessons—we intentionally pass on values in the home.

Second, foolishness is in the heart of every child. Some children may have less foolishness than others but all children are foolish. Young children are not capable of understanding many things about our world. For most children, life revolves around them and their desires. The Proverbs are clear—this foolishness must be dealt with and driven out of the heart of the child. Perhaps this principle poses problems for us. We don’t like to think that a sweet baby has foolishness. They don’t. But sweet babies grow into extremely selfish and foolish 5 year olds and 8 year olds and teenagers.

Third, more than words are needed to accomplish the task of driving out foolishness. The Proverbs encourages the use of the rod. The rod is the instrument of punishment. There are those who do not believe in physical punishment but other means of driving out the foolishness are used. Whether one spanks or not is not the intent. The intent is that foolishness must not be left unchecked and without a clear demonstration that such is not going to be accepted. Let me be clear—if a parent chooses to spank a child then by no means does the Bible endorse harming the child physically. Abuse is wrong. Spanking a child so that the child experiences bruises, whelps, or broken skin is wrong. The Proverbs, however, endorses using physical punishment to drive out the foolishness.

Fourth, discipline is out of love not to harm. Proverbs 3:12 declares, “the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” We correct our children because we love them. We correct them because we want them to grow up to be honorable men and women. We correct and train because we care about them. But we discipline because we want them to live—eternally. Proverbs 4:4 states, “Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.” Proverbs 23:14 affirms, “Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” The rod hurts for a short time but death is eternal. In Hebrews 12, Jesus received discipline in order to bring us to God.

Honoring Parents

Just as parents have a responsibility to teach and train their children, so children have a responsibility toward their parents as well. Proverbs 13:1 states, “A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.” Or again in Proverbs 23:22, “Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” Children are to listen to their parents. Parents aren’t perfect, but then neither are children. Parents don’t know everything, but then neither do children. Even the wise men knew something about the rolling eyes of their children. Proverbs 30:17 warns, “the eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures.” Children who do not listen to their parents can expect that their rebelliousness will result in unwanted consequences. The wise writers wanted children to know that their responsibility included listening to their parents.

Second, children are not to speak against their parents. Proverbs 20:20 declares, “If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.” Sometimes children speak against their parents. Children are able to see the flaws in their parents and never stop criticizing them. Children treat their friends with more respect than their parents. This should not be. Regarding parents with gratitude will lead to less selfishness and more appreciation.

Third, watch the company you keep. Proverbs 29:3 teaches, “A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth.” And again in Proverbs 28:7, “He who keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons disgraces his father.” Much friction exists at times between parents and children because of the friends made with children. It is foolish to associate with those who will lead you away from God. It dishonors your parents and can lead to problems. If we carry the name of Christ, we need to choose friends which will not tarnish Jesus’s name or our own good name.

These instructions for children are the same for us as children of God. We are to listen to him; speak well of him; and watch the company we keep. As followers of Jesus we want to honor him with our lives, our speech, and our associates.

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