Children

Introduction

Raising kids today is more difficult than it ever has been. Too often we agree with that statement. It isn’t the truth. Ask Adam and Eve how hard it is to raise boys who love each other. Ask Jacob if his boys were easy to raise. Not only did they sell Joseph into slavery but his firstborn slept with one of his father’s wives; the second and third born used great deceit to payback a whole city for a transgression. Ask Peter the Hermit who lived in 1095 A.D. Raising kids is difficult any time. And it is harder if we spend more time listening to parenting experts rather than God. The Bible was not written for the purpose of teaching us how to have good families, but when the Bible speaks about families we can count on it being accurate and insightful.

Proverbs has much to say about family. We are going to divide our study this morning into two sections. The first section will deal with raising our children. We will emphasize the importance of discipline in helping our children grow into adults who are not only productive in society but who know God. The second section will emphasize children’s response in honoring parents. Just as the writers of Proverbs encourage parents in raising their children so they encourage children to respond properly to their parent’s attempts to raise them. We are God’s children—he is trying to raise us. During the Lord’s Supper we will honor the Father by listening to him and paying attention to his discipline.

Discipline

The key to training is “discipline.” Discipline and punishment are not the same things. One may use punishment to help create an atmosphere of discipline but discipline is training a child through instructing about what is right and wrong. We train our children to develop character. Training takes place in a lot of ways which may include punishment, but the idea is that disciplining our children will lead to a good outcome. However, listen carefully. It is difficult to discipline our children if we are undisciplined. There is no doubt that one of the ways we train our children is by our example. Proverbs 20:7 states, “The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.” If we are disciplined in our own lives, then our children see that and are encouraged to be like us.

The question invariably arises in which we wonder if we as parents are to spank our children. Much research has been done with most of the research suggesting that spanking is bad for children. Proverbs leaves little doubt that some form of physical punishment is attached at times to training. Proverbs 22:15 states, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” Children are not naturally obedient. A child’s perspective is limited to their world and most ultimately believe that the world revolves around them. Proverbs 13:24 boldly states “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” There is little doubt that the Proverbs endorse the use of physical punishment in the process of disciplining our children; however, this is not license to abuse our children.

Spanking can be a useful tool for discipline, but it isn’t the only tool. Spanking done for every offense will create anger and defiance in the child and may possibly border on abuse. Spanking should be reserved for willful defiance and should be limited to prepubescent children. As soon as children are able to understand the connection between actions and consequences other forms of discipline should be administered more frequently. Disrespectful words spoken deserve just consequences. The withholding of privileges or the addition of chores can often be a deterrent for further infractions.

The key to training our children is consistency. If we discipline consistently; carry through with threats consistently; hold unswervingly to reasonable expectations consistently—then we will help our children come to love God and learn to respect others. Inconsistency in our lives will result in undisciplined children who will in turn bring dishonor to our homes and to our good names. Proverbs 29:15 says “a child left to itself disgraces his mother.” Just a brief word to those who tried to discipline your children and your children rejected your discipline and the same brief word to those who now realize that inconsistency in your own life has resulted in a lack of discipline in your child’s life—parenting is hard work. I am convinced that few parents try to raise their children in a haphazard way. Most parents care about their children and want to train them to be at least respectable people.

Two truths. First, when a child reaches adulthood they make their own decisions. You must not hold yourself responsible for the poor choices that your children make. Second, God’s love and grace is sufficient to take care of any mistakes or sin you may have committed as a parent. None of us are perfect in our parenting skills. If God forgives at all, he forgives all. Be the best grandparent you can be; the best spouse; the best parent now that you can be and realize God’s love goes beyond the past.

Honoring Parents

Just as parents have a responsibility to teach and train their children, so children have a responsibility toward their parents as well. Proverbs 13:1 states, “A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.” Or again in 23:22, “Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” Children are to listen to their parents. Parents aren’t perfect, but then neither are children. Parents don’t know everything, but then neither do children. Even the wise men knew something about the rolling eyes of their children. Proverbs 30:17 warns, “the eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures.” Children who do not listen to their parents can expect that their rebelliousness will result in unwanted consequences. The wise writers wanted children to know that their responsibility included listening to their parents.

Second, children are not to speak against their parents. Proverbs 20:20 says, “If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.” Sometimes children speak against their parents. Children are able to see the flaws in their parents and never stop criticizing them. Children treat their friends with more respect than their parents. This should not be. Regarding parents with gratitude will lead to less selfishness and more appreciation.

Third, watch the company you keep. Proverbs 29:3 states, “A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth.” And again in 28:7, “He who keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons disgraces his father.” Much friction exists at times between parents and children because of the friends made with children. It is foolish to associate with those who will lead you away from God. It dishonors your parents and can lead to problems. If we carry the name of Christ, we need to choose friends which will not tarnish Jesus’s name or our own good name.

These instructions for children are the same for us as children of God. We are to listen to him; speak well of him; and watch the company we keep. As followers of Jesus we want to honor him with our lives, our speech, and our associates.

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