A Theology of Sex

Introduction

When it comes to sexual matters the Bible is not silent. There are numerous texts which speak about sex. Nor is the Bible without graphic language to speak of the subject. While we may shy away from such, God did not. This says something about our God. There is in fact an entire writing which describes the love between spouses. The Song of Solomon or Song of Songs is that writing. I was about 12 when I first discovered this writing. I thought someone must have made a mistake including such.

Some of the ancients were so concerned about this writing that they tried to explain it away. Jewish scholars have long regarded Song of Songs as an allegorical description of the relationship between God and Israel. Some Christian scholars described the writing as an allegory describing the relationship between Christ and the church. Origen who lived around 250 A.D. thought the “two breasts” in 4:5 were the Old and New Testaments. All the attempts to explain the writing avoid the obvious. Avoiding the obvious says something about one’s discomfort with the subject matter.

The writing is quite explicit in places. From 1:2, the woman cries out for her husband to kiss her and is quickly followed by her pleas to go to the bed chamber. Yes, pleas! Then the husband in chapter 4 describes his wife. He begins with her eyes and works his way down. In what appears humorous to us is 4:2. “Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its own twin; not one of them is alone.” He says her teeth and white and shiny and that she has them all. While we may take dentistry for granted such was admired in Solomon’s day. And then in 8:3, the writer speaking for the woman says “His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me.” This further reveals the sexual nature of this writing.

Understanding the intent of the writing changes the way we can think. The truth is that the world has no hesitation in giving its message about sex. The hesitancy among believers means that the only message we hear is the world’s and it is not the same as God’s message. A couple’s sexual intimacy is private, but the subject matter is not. God created sex. Since he created sex, then the very act of sexual intercourse says something about God. This is what a theology of sex is designed to do — help us understand God better.

Theology

I am indebted to Tim Gardner and his book on Sacred Sex for much of this material. He gave pen and ink to thoughts I have had for a long time. Theology denotes a study about God. To think and study God from the aspect of sex is not often done or thought about. There is something within us that finds that perhaps odd at best and blasphemous at worst. But it is neither. We can look at all kinds of things and try to discover the nature of God inherent within that studied thing. This is the intent of theology. Creation reveals God. Our sense of right and wrong reveals God. Our demands of justice reveals God. Paul notes that God is revealed in our world and we can know him by paying attention to our world.

So it is with sex. This very intimate act reveals God. And there are texts in which God intentionally reveals himself through this very intimate act. Sexual intimacy within marriage reveals the holiness of God.

Texts

God created sex. In Genesis 2, we have God ending the man’s loneliness by creating and bringing a woman to him. She was his gift. The man was the woman’s gift. In verse 24, God emphasizes his intent for all time — man and woman together forming a marriage covenant. Two becoming one flesh.

Let’s stop here and make the implied obvious. God created sex. This speaks of intent and purpose. How do we know this? God always creates with purpose. Sky, sea, sun, animals, plants, all are created with purpose at God’s spoken word according to chapter 1. Why would sex be any different? To say otherwise is to say that God didn’t know what he was doing when he created our bodies. From a biological point of view, we know that God creates with purpose because he made our bodies with more nerve endings in the sexual regions than any other part of our body. This tells us something about our God.

We looked at this text several weeks ago in a different context, but the point we made then is still valid. The words “leave” and “united” are found in other texts and both are used to describe a covenant. This is covenant language. Marriage is a covenant. The “one flesh” is an indication of covenant. In other words, to engage in sexual intercourse outside of marriage does not make one married. But the act of sex brings oneness. Paul acknowledged this point in 1 Corinthians 6:16 that uniting with one who is not your spouse makes you one body. He does not say it makes you married, but the oneness cannot be set aside. Sex intercourse makes two one.

This is another reason why sexual immorality goes against God’s purpose. Oneness had its beginning and expressed purpose in marriage. From this text in Genesis 2 we discover two things — marriage is God’s gift; acceptance is the gift that couple give to each other. In 2:25, the Bible tells us that both were naked and felt no shame. Without sin there was no shame. When sin comes, the first thing the couple does is hide their nakedness from each other. Thus, the acceptance of each other is one of the great gifts that we give to each other especially sexually. This statement comes immediately after the intent of oneness. Sexual union within marriage honors God. How? By using our bodies as God intended. Such reveals God’s holiness.

Sex also reveals something about God’s spiritual intent. We will develop this point more next week, but turn to Ephesians 5. Paul is discussing the mutual submission within the relationship of husband and wife. And in the midst of that discussion he quotes Genesis 2:24 and makes the point that the marriage relationship is in fact a demonstration of the relationship between Christ and the church. Paul could have made that point without quoting Genesis 2. But by doing so, he expressed a truth — the sexual relationship within marriage is a physical expression of the spiritual intimacy between Christ and the church. We will pick up with this thought next week.

Application

First, sex is an expression of covenant. A covenant requires two parts — words and actions. This is the reason why engaging in sexual behaviors outside of marriage doesn’t make one married. There are no words, vows, or promises. But when the words are spoken then actions are needed to demonstrate that covenant. The sexual relationship is one part of that covenant. God used covenant language in Genesis 2 to make that point. Covenant are not easily broken and covenants are celebrated. Sex is that celebration.

Second, our God created sex. Sex is therefore good. It is the abuse or misuse of sex which brings sin. When we use our bodies as God intended he is pleased. Sexual intimacy demonstrates God’s holiness. The gift of acceptance with your spouse allows the fullness of God’s expressed creative design to be shared. We live in a Barbie and Ken world. The media does nothing if not endorse the idea that perfectly formed bodies is the goal and the one who fails in achieving the goal is missing out. This places our body completely in the physical realm. This was not God’s intent. Acceptance has to do with a spiritual truth. God accepts us through the blood of his son Jesus. That kind of acceptance is rehearsed over and over in relationship and in the marriage relationship is where it can be practiced more fully.

Acceptance means to be positive toward your spouse; to avoid critical language which tears down and speaks of rejection.

Acceptance means to treat one another with respect through actions and words that your spouse is of great value and worth.

Acceptance means being ready to forgive when your spouse sins against you.

Acceptance means being naked and without shame.

Ephesians 5

Turn to Ephesians 5. The context of Ephesians 5 is found as Paul describes that we are to live as children of light in this world. Living as children of light carries great responsibilities and opportunities. In our text, Paul is describing family relationships as children of light. As we saw in an earlier study, husbands and wives engage in mutual submission. The husband through loving his wife. Sacrificing for her. Giving for her. The wife submits through respecting her husband. Treating him as a person of worth and value.

Throughout this section Paul uses Christ and the church as ways of demonstrating the husband and wife relationship. Husbands love as Christ loves the church. Wives submit as the church submits to Christ. This comparison allows the reader to understand something profound — the husband/wife relationship is an analogy of the relationship between Christ and the church. Obviously, no marriage is perfect. These imperfections reveal themselves so often that we lose sight of the ideal. We begin to criticize; take each other for granted; mistreat one another; even ignore one another.

Can you imagine Christ ignoring the church or the church ignoring Christ?

Can you imagine Christ mistreating the church or the church mistreating Christ?

Can you imagine Christ taking the church for granted or the church taking Christ for granted?

Can you imagine Christ and the church not being intimate with each other?

These are impossible to imagine and yet because of the imperfection of the human relationship of marriage we often move in this direction. Paul calls husbands and wives to a higher vision of what is. Notice in verse 29, Paul reminds husbands that they care and feed their own bodies because they care about themselves. In the same way, a husband is to feed and care for his wife. Even Christ does that for the church. Feed and care are general terms demonstrating nurturing and providing for one’s wife. Then in verse 30 Paul in what some may see as insignificant says “for we are members of his body.” Paul is talking about the church. We, the church are members of his body. Again, the emphasis is on the binding link between Christ and the church.

Then Paul quotes Genesis 2:24. That statement which was made by God at the first wedding is now spoken here to describe the marriage of Christ and the church. Paul in verse 32 calls this a mystery but now that which was hidden is now revealed. With the first uniting of a man and a woman in marriage God intended for the marriage relationship to be a demonstration of the relationship between Christ and the church. Adam and Eve did not know it. But Paul now says the mystery is revealed. But it isn’t just the relationship. Paul quotes all of Genesis 2:24. It is in sexual union that the oneness of bodies takes place. This oneness is a demonstration of the oneness of Christ and the church.

Paul uses sexual intimacy to reflect on the spiritual intimacy of Christ and the church. The closeness of Christ and the church cannot be underestimated. And if there is a physical analogy which gives us a glimpse of that closeness, it is sexual union. When a husband and wife engage in sexual intimacy, they may think of nothing but physical pleasure and release. But God gives us a different picture. This means that sexual union is not only physical it is spiritual. The truth exists whether one accepts it or not.

Implications

Let me suggest some implications from this theological truth. First, no longer is sex only about physical pleasure now it is about a spiritual demonstration. Thus, sex isn’t about feeling in the mood but about oneness. Best estimate is that 50% of couples have sexual issues at some point in their relationship. Most often it has to do with desire. One or both have little desire for sexual intimacy leading to frustration for one or both. So we have lots of information about increasing desire. Take a pill; think certain thoughts; do this or that. As followers of Jesus we now have a spiritual reason to engage in sexual intimacy — to reveal God’s great mystery of oneness and oneness is a gift.

Ever not felt like attending a worship assembly or engaging in worship? Did you go ahead anyway? Why? Because there is some understanding that worship isn’t only about the physical aspect. That in worship we join with our God and praise him.

Such is the case with sexual intimacy. Desire isn’t always available and neither should it be the primary drive for sexual intimacy. Rather engaging in sexual relations allows us to express the spiritual intent of God leading to worship of the One who gave us this wonderful gift.

Second, for those who have violated God’s will through engaging in sexual immorality and for those who have been hurt by others through sexual means, the union of Christ and the church can give you a new vision to work from rather than the guilt and shame of previous experiences. Sexual sin remains with us. Sexual abuse leaves deep scars. But both can be left behind with an opportunity to see that there is a higher view of sexual intimacy. What a person did to you sexually was not intimate when it violated God’s view of oneness. What you engaged you sexually may have been pleasurable but the guilt of your past can bow down to the image of intimacy which God creates.

Third, in Revelation 21, John sees one final vision. It is the holy city of Jerusalem coming down out of the clouds to be inhabited by the Son of God forever and ever. Most see this vision as a description of heaven and it well may be. However, the city in verse 2 and 9 is called the bride and in verse 9 is said to be the wife of the Lamb. To me the image seems to be speaking of the church. In Rev. 22:17, the text says “The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come!” It is a bit easier for me to imagine the church bidding all to come and be the bride of the Lamb. Here is the point. Scripture uses this image as well as the image of Ephesians 5 to make a very powerful point. Jesus is the husband. The church is his bride. He loves his bride. Gave his life for his bride. And the bride respects her husband and wants more and more to come and enjoy the closeness and intimacy with him.

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