A Dysfunctional Family

Introduction

I hesitate to make statistical blanket statements. There is an old saying “figures don’t lie, but liars figure.” Some statistics are hard to swallow. Two generations ago, studies were done on the effect of smoking. Amazingly the results were inconclusive. In fact, some of the results seemed to show benefits from tobacco use. Of course, the tobacco industry paid for the studies. Statistics then are not always reliable.

Having said that, if the statistics that are rapidly being distributed about families are believed, then we are in a crisis situation in America. Our families are breaking up, breaking down, and breaking apart. The term “traditional family” has no validity any longer. It is now two broken families coming together trying to blend into a unit. Children are confused about loyalties and direction. They spend the week with one family and go spend the weekend with another family. Two separate set of rules. Inconsistencies abound. Perhaps the biggest lie of all has been that the kids are resilient and can handle all this mixture. New studies in recent months have demonstrated the fallacy in that argument. Clearly children who grow up in stable households do better academically, socially, and spiritually.

We live in a time in which the term “dysfunctional” is thrown around with great ease. In fact, we are told that all families are dysfunctional in some way. Another lie. No family is perfect, but the word dysfunctional in its literal usage describes a situation which is not only abnormal but dangerously close to exploding and dissolving. All families have problems. But not all families live on the verge of dissolving.

I have said all of this to introduce our lesson tonight. Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, Ishmael, and Isaac form a dysfunctional family. In our passage tonight, they act in abnormal ways. They break up, break down, and break apart. Our purpose tonight is to see the effect of sin on our families. It is also to remind us that even in our sin, God is still able to carry out his plans.

A Celebration Ruined

Isaac is God’s blessing to Abraham and Sarah. A child promised 25 years before finally is given to them. They are excited and ecstatic. Sarah carefully and lovingly cares for Isaac. In those days the first years after birth were critical. Things like antibiotics, pediatricians, formula, and clean controlled conditions didn’t exist. A mother would breast feed her child until he was three years old or so. Then the child would begin to eat other foods. This weaning process was a cause for celebration. The child had survived those early potentially dangerous years. Such is the case in Genesis 21.

Isaac is weaned and Abraham throws a big party celebrating Isaac’s growth. It is during this party that something happens. In verse 10 the Bible says that Ishmael mocks Isaac. The word used here is found in other places in the Old Testament and usually the preposition following the word is needed to help us to fully understand the word. Literally the word means “playing.” It is used in Genesis 19:14 when Lot is warning his sons-in-law to escape Sodom. The Bible says they thought he was “playing” or “joking.” It is used in Genesis 26:8 to describe Isaac “playing with” or “caressing” his wife Rebekah. It is used in Genesis 39:14 to describe what Potiphar’s wife said about Joseph. Joseph is accused of “playing with” or “making sport of” the Egyptians.

I give these references for a simple reason. The word is used in a variety of settings and the context has to tell us what is happening. In this case it is difficult to know exactly what Ishmael was doing to Isaac. What we can know for sure is that when Sarah saw Ishmael’s behavior she knew that the boy had to leave. Ishmael is 17 years old or so. If we consider that Isaac is three years old when he is weaned and that Ishmael was 14 when Isaac was born, then this would put his age in the late teens. Paul in Galatians 4:29 says that Ishmael persecuted Isaac. He uses a generic word for “persecuted.” Whatever Sarah saw infuriated her. She wanted Ishmael and Hagar out of the camp. And now wasn’t soon enough. What drove her was not what she saw but what she realized about the future.

Ishmael was the firstborn son. If he stayed then Abraham was legally bound to pass on his wealth to Ishmael. This in essence left Isaac out in the cold. How long do you think Ishmael has known that his stepmother hated him? How many times has Sarah taken out her hatred on Abraham’s son? Did Ishmael know about the three visitors from four years ago? Did he somehow already know that he was not going to be accepted and appreciated for who he was? Was he mocking Isaac by reminding him that he was the firstborn and while Isaac may be the favorite, he was going to get the wealth? Is that what caused Sarah to force Ishmael and his mother from camp? Lots of questions but few answers.

Abraham is in distress. Remember back in 17:18, Abraham has already asked God if Ishmael could be the son of promise. He loves his son. He doesn’t want his son to be taken from him. He has had 17 years with him. He has envisioned Ishmael being with him for a long time. But Sarah, his wife, wants to be rid of this constant reminder of failed dreams and collapsed hopes. Ishmael is a constant reminder of when Sarah jumped all over God’s timetable. He is a constant reminder of a poor decision made in impatience. He is a constant reminder of what can happen when one puts their desires before God’s actions.

God instructs Abraham to do what Sarah wants. God intends to take care of Ishmael and will make him into a great nation. So early the next morning, Abraham puts together some provisions and sends them out into the barren wilderness. That must have been a hard day for Abraham.

God Intervenes Again

Ishmael and Hagar spend the day walking back toward Egypt. They quickly exhaust their supplies and their energy. As the sun bakes them draining them of their strength, Hagar puts Ishmael under a bush for some shade, walks a small distance away and sits down waiting for death to take them both. God hears their cry for help and he sees their tears. He promises to make Ishmael into a great nation and provides water for them.

We don’t run across Ishmael much again in the Bible. From Genesis 25:5 we know that he was indeed left out of his father’s will. From Genesis 25:9 we know he was gracious enough to help Isaac bury Abraham. We know from Genesis 25:17 that he was 137 when he died and that true to God’s promise he and his descendants lived in hostility all their lives. So what are we to learn from this story?

First, the effects of sin are long lasting. When Sarah persuaded Abraham to have a child with Hagar, she never visualized what would have happened. The emotions she had, the hatred which filled her invaded the camp. Abraham seems to have adjusted to Ishmael and Hagar, but Sarah could never get over it all. And it was by her own hand. She sinned. She caused it all to happen. For so many years she couldn’t get over the negative emotions. Sin has long lasting consequences. This is what makes Abraham’s family dysfunctional. Sarah’s sin from long ago has left a rift in the family fabric. This family hasn’t blended. They stayed on opposite sides. When we determine to get our way even if it isn’t God’s way, we inevitably bring discord and disharmony to our lives.

Second, God carries out his plans. Sarah and Abraham jumped God’s timetable with Hagar. Sarah evicts Hagar from camp. God takes what sinful humans devised and still brought about his plans. Isaac still was born. Ishmael was still blessed. Sarah’s anger brought about eviction but God still worked out his plan. Our God is a master at planning. We seem to bumble and fumble with what he places in our hands, but he takes all of our mistakes, sins, and feeble efforts and still brings about his plans. Our God knows what must be done and he knows how it will be accomplished. He is able to take our mistakes and still bring about his plans. Trust him with your cares and concerns. He knows just what you need.

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